Are You Doing The Right Job?

I first met our Ronny Mich Egwang - Dr Mich somewhere at the start of the millennium when he was a presenter of Sanyu FM. As was the norm in those days, very few presenter used their real names so, I rightfully presumed that Dr Mitch was his radio name. Then somewhere down the road, I discover that the title of Dr was not self-given, but that it was a real title bestowed upon him by Makerere University. Yes, our Dr Mtich is a certified veterinarian and specialized in canines. While still passionate about animals, he had a passion for public speaking and that’s when his career as an emcee begun and radio began.

Mitch Egwang - Veterinarian turned broadcaster, Public Speaker

Then there is Gaetano Kaggwa.  He should have been a lawyer by now – perhaps with Kiwanuka and Karugire Co Advocates until he made that ‘fatal’ mistake in 2002 when he signed up for Big Brother Africa. Then he was a third year law student at Makerere University where he made it to the final day of the competition - finishing in fourth place ahead of Namibian representative Stefan Ludik but behind Botswana's Warona Setshwaelo.

That stint on BBA changed his life that out went his law course as he propelled into stardom where he hosted the television show Studio 53 on Mnet. He also played Abe Sakku on the TV series, Beneath The Lines. Currently, he co-hosts a breakfast show Gaetano & Lucky in the Morning at 91.3 Capital FM with Lucky Mbabazi as well as being a judge on East Africa’s Got Talent alongside Dj Makeda, Jeff Koinange and Vanessa Mdee.

 

Gaetano Kagwa - Would-Be-Lawyer Turned, Radio Presenter, Media Personality 

Dr Mitch and Gaetano are just two people that I know of who didn’t end up pursuing a career in what they studied. Many out there end up in university studying anything from law to banking, to nursing but end up doing something else. Some do something else because they figure they can earn more money doing that something else while for others, it a case of just losing interest in the course and branching out and trying something else.

Dr Mitch and Gaetano aside, there is also Stefano. Am not quite sure of his surname except, that it begins with K and that he is from the west and a staunch Mukiga at that. During the day he is a lawyer – that, I know for sure because I’ve seen him in his lawyer shirt – you know the one with the winged collar unless of course, he was going to a daytime party and hadn’t yet worn the bow tie.

All those who know Stefano feel that his talents as a lawyer are wasted and that instead, he should be doing standup comedy long with Pablo, Salvador and Teacher Mpamire at the National Theatre or amusing the crowds at some rally in the districts.

Hardly has Stefano taken his seat in his local bar that his comedy starts and the routine is always the same. He starts off: “There was a time when I met a certain man” or “there was a time when I was in a certain place..” His comedy tales always start off in Lukiga and then translates them into English. For maximum effect, he repeats the joke two or three times especially if he’s got the attention of James and Julie.

Stefano’s jokes border on the unbelievable and are often laced with sexual innuendo, proverbs and often poking fun at the Kikiga culture and how the Mukiga mind thinks. He tells the tale of how Mukiga Man took his dog to the market to sell it and when Would-Be-Customer asked if the dog barked, Mukiga Man responded: “Why would I sell it if it barked!” Okay in English it doesn’t sound hilarious but in Lukiga and laced with Stefano’s enyongezza (add on) it does get you laughing. 

Pictures: Chano8.com, Twitter.com    

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Did Your Plan A and B Workout?

By God’s grace, he got away with both Plans - A and B. Paul was in Mbarara with one of the brewery companies to cover an event. It was a weekend assignment – leave Friday and return Sunday. And whenever Paul has a trip upcountry, he ‘imports’ - meaning he brings along one of his girlfriends for company.

Arrangements were made with Plan A, a student at the university who accepted, but come Friday, she calls with bad news. Lecturer has decided to throw a test on Saturday and she won’t be able to make it. But Plan A not having worked out, did not bother Peter, for Peter always has a Plan B. Well not just a Plan B, but, Plan C, D – in fact, a plan that can see him through the entire alphabet.

Plan B was game and without hesitation, quickly throws some clothes into a bag and is at the anointed meeting place in less than an hour. And with that they set off – he driving, Tight sitting in the passenger seat and in the back, Plan B and Tights Girlfriend.

They had been booked into Lake View Hotel and as the function did not start till the following day, they took themselves off to make merry – beer and pork in the local bufunda. As the night wore on, he gets a call. It’s Plan A, and she’s to the point. “I’m at the bus station, come and pick me.” Obviously Peter had heard her right, but he just needed to hear it again before sweat and panic set in. “Say what?!?” Again, Plan A answers back: “I’m at the bus station. Are you coming to pick me or what? The test was cancelled so I hopped onto a bus.”

A couple of seconds later, panic and diarrhea set in. This time, he didn’t have a backup plan save for a mess of confusion and fright. What was he going to do? After some consultation with Tight, he drove to the station, picked her and checked her into Lake View Hotel – on the third floor. Meanwhile, he was residing on the second floor with Plan B.

Luckily, Plan A had developed a headache on the journey down and was not keen on going out except, to stay in the room, order room service and watch TV. So he left her there and went back to town to re-join Tight, Tights Girlfriend and Plan B. As the night drew to a close and they returned to Lake View, Paul by then had drawn up a tactical plan. He clambered into bed with Plan B. However, no sooner had the resident cockerel started doing its ‘dawn is round the corner’ kalango, than Paul was dressed, took himself up to the third floor and slithered into bed with a very wide Plan A whom he told they’d been drinking all night.

When Plan B woke up to an empty bed she figured that as it was the day of the function, Paul had woken early to travel with the brewery to take pictures.

That evening, the function was at the hotel poolside after which they would hit Club Ambience. He avoided them both but made sure he plied Plan B with enough vodka rendering her unable to go clubbing. So he went with Plan A. While at the club, he told her the brewery wanted him to go along with them to Bushenyi so she would have to go back by bus. And it’s the same spiel he gave Plan B moments after slinking into bed with her like a thief after having spent the night with Plan A. After a short nap, he packed, left her transport money, went downstairs, did the same to Plan B and got out of Mbarara as fast as possible. 

Pictures:  naughtynice.com                                

Are You One Of Them - I Know It All?

Are you a know-it-all? Know-it-alls think they know everything. They feel superior, are dismissive of others’ opinions, and unwilling to listen to others. Know-it-alls like to hear themselves talk. This behavior may become so ingrained that it becomes part of the know-it-all’s personality. The bottom line is that they don’t know any other way to act. They come off as self-centered, pompous and easily irk you. You bite your tongue when they start telling you what you already know.

When I was 15, I was one of them. In the early 80s, Mum had had let me drive her maroon Fiat 127 down the deserted roads of kyalo a number of times, so I figured I could handle whatever ride that was thrown at me. However, Moses our neighbour (I wonder where he is now), kept telling me that there is a difference between a Fiat 127 and driving Dad’s Range Rover. But what did he know? I knew it all.

When Parents went to work, I stole the Range for a test drive. Getting it out of the garage and down to Ggaba road in Kansanga – opposite Kobil petrol station where we used to live then, was the easiest part of the drive.

Conversely, between Kobil and the turn off to Rainbow School, if I had a smidgen of intelligence, I ought to have turned back, gone and parked it. Except, who as a 15-year-old boy with a Range Rover, has any ounce of intelligence? Cutting the tale short, I was NOT driving the Range Rover. The Ranger Rover WAS DRIVING me. It had its own life and power. In the 127, when I hit the accelerator, it took almost 5 minutes to respond and when it did, it merely crawled. In the Range, one hit on the gas and in a micro second, it lurched forward, snarling, angry and wanting to unleash the beast of a V12 engine. Suffice to say, I ended up crashing it through the wall of my friends’ house – Ian and Jonathan Musoke in Makyinde.     

    

Gabriel, wanted to be a sportscaster on WBS. He’d seen Ramathan Khan read the news and he figured he could emulate him. However, Khan was at the top of his game with style, finesse and poise. Still, Gabriel believed as a know-it-all, he could do better despite people telling him that being in front of the cameras is not as easy as it looks.

When his debut came, no sooner had the signature music tailed off than he’d fragmented into a sweat – a Tsunami of a sweat that gushed down his forehead. And in all that panic, incredibly enough, he also forgot what his name was and messed up on the autocue. We switched to adverts and dragged the poor fellow who was wheezing frantically for air out of the studios. Gabriel thought he knew-it-all. He didn’t. A few days later, he quit.

I spent some weeks in Kyankwanzi along with the most pompous and aloof lads from Makerere University – Lumumba Hall who were know-it-alls. When it came to guns and the AK-47, I can’t recall his name, but he knew everything there was to it. Way before we trooped down to the firing range he remarked how he’d been going to Sissa Shooting Club on numerous occasions with his army pals to practice.

At the shooting range, Instructors directives were explicit. Set the lever to single and not rapid fire, then shoot at will. We all shot in single fire except, I know-it-all from Lumumba who had set his firing mode to rapid. In the split second it took to reel off the entire magazine, he lay there – crumpled, shell shocked and confused. As they hauled him still quaking off the tarpaulin, I couldn’t help but smirk – “I thought you knew everything about the AK-47?”   

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