Is English An Issue In Uganda?

Nourdin is educated. Born to an Irish mother and a Ugandan father, his
parents gave him the best education their money could buy. And
obviously because of his education level, the women Nourdin aspires to
go out with, have to be in his same educational bracket. But while he
may have seen suitable suitors – in terms of dress and appearance,
somewhere down the line things do not work out. Out on a date with a
girl who had taken his fancy, everything went according to plan until
at the end of the very successful date, things went south. In his
words this is what happened.

Nourdin: “It is getting late and I think we should call it a night. I
had a good evening and I hope to do it again sometime soon.”

Date: “Thank you for the moment.”

Nourdin: (To himself): “What, what on earth? What is the moment –
which moment - paying the bill?”

By “thank you for the moment”, Date was talking about the evening out,
but rather than saying: “Thank you for the evening”, she and thinking
that she had uttered the best words her English could throw out, came
up with “thank you for the moment.” That was it for Nourdin. He threw
her out.

And then there was Timo who was out having lunch with a vivacious
would-be-emcee. Like Nourdin’s night out on the town with Date, Timo
thought Vivacious Would-Be-Emcee would be the ideal person for an up
coming conference. While lunch went well, Timo was a trifle worried
that Vivacious Would-Be-Emcee was uptight and spoke with an accent
that he thought was an American accent.

Dealing with the American accent was the least of his worries. He
would simply tell her to drop it. But with her being uptight, he
thought he would tell her a few jokes to calm her nerves. And while
the jokes worked, at the end of the evening, her true English – minus
American accent came out. This is what happened.

Timo: “Do you think you can handle the job?”

Vivacious Would-Be-Emcee: (now with a stronger northern accent than
that of Odonga Otto, MP) “I think I can, but can I tell you
something?”
Timo: “Why yes, go ahead.”

Vivacious Would-Be-Emcee: “You know Timo, you are full of comedy!”

Timo: (To himself) “Full of comedy? What does that mean?”

Obviously Vivacious Would-Be-Emcee did not get the job.

On the other hand, Pius had dated third year Najjemba for a while.
Unlike his previous girlfriends who he usually got into bed after less
than four bottles of Smirnoff Black Ice in Club Silk, he took it slow
with Third Year Najjemba. Pius was so smitten with her that he did not
notice the flaws in her English were more than just minor flaws.

After six months of dating, Third Year Najjemba thought that time was
right for their relationship to be consummated and with that, a happy
Pius whisked her off to some resort in the middle of a game reserve.
Candle lit dinner done with, they retreated to the room and
consummated their love. Once finished, they lay there in each others
arms when she said it.

Third Year Najjemba: “I rav you.”

Pius: “What does that mean?”

Third Year Najjemba: “You know, I rav you?!”

Pius (now unsure of what she means) “Okay”

Back in Kampala, Pius and after being told by his friends, realized
that he was so smitten about Third Year Najjemba’s beauty that he
overlooked her English. When she said ‘I rav you’, she meant “I love
you.”

For Nourdin, Timo and Pius, while they learnt that there are many
beautiful women out there, sometimes beauty is not enough. They need
more than just beauty.