Wedding's

There is something about weddings that bring out the best in people. Be it the guests, parents or even the bride and groom, there will always be some form of drama at a wedding.

A few years ago, my dad attended at wedding in Busoga. According to him, all was seemingly going well but behind the scenes, there was somebody who was quietly simmering. It was Bride’s Father. While I guess something could have been done before the wedding to cool him down, he was left to turn in a full blown boil at the wedding.

As the church service proceeded, it got to that crucial moment when the priest asks, ‘if anybody objects to the wedding and if not, forever hold their peace.’ Well at that moment and as everybody looked back to see if there were any objections, nobody noticed the elderly figure at the front standing up. By the time they all turned back to face the front, it was too late.

Father of Bride had stood up and he was not a happy man. Regardless of the threatening looks from his daughter and the rest of his family, Father of Bride was not about to be intimidated into sitting back down.

And in perfect Lusoga that required the consultation the Lusoga dictionary, Father of Bride said the wedding cannot proceed because, Groom has yet to deliver the last instalment of the bride price – that of three goats. And with that, the wedding came to a temporary halt. The men went outside to consult and raise the money and only after the goats were bought from a nearby market and were tied to a tree in the church grounds from which, Father of Bride could hear them bleat, did the wedding go ahead.

I need not remind the people who were at Spider’s wedding when, Young Speaker on Bride’s side started talking about ‘pussy’. In his heart, he was doing nothing wrong and he went on to advise Spidey that, the first thing he has to do every morning was, ‘tend to Bride’s pussy!’ “She loves her pussies so please look after them” he said. But as we all know, the word ‘pussy’ in this day and age means something totally different so for a large section of the guests, we wondered which pussy he was talking about. Was it the pussy as in a young cat or was it the pussy of the human female type?

A while back it was a boring Saturday in London. Norris one of my best friends called round my house and suggested we go for a drive. And into his car we piled and drove round the isle of dogs in East London looking for action. As we kerbed crawled, we drove past St. Andrew’s church and there, there was a wedding about to start. Of course we had gate-crashed parties including house parties and office parties but never a wedding. And in our jeans and t-shirts, we took our seats at the back of the church. When the service was over and after having the audacity to pose for the traditional photographs on the steps of the church, it was a simple case of asking the rider of the horse driven carriage for the address to the reception. With that we went home and got changed for the evening ahead.

Crashing a wedding reception that is held in somebody’s home can be simple – but not when everybody is white and two of you are black. So we stood out like sore thumbs but for our ‘forward planning’, we had a plan in motion to avoid being rumbled – attack first! When we felt we were getting looks of ‘do you know who they are?” we would dive in for the kill and ask the inquisitive person which side they came on. If they answered ‘bride’, we would say we are on the groom’s side. And with that we got away with it for the best part of the evening until it was time for Bride and Groom to start mingling that things started to get hot.

By the time a decision was made by the wedding organisers to throw us out, we had had our fare share of beer, champagne, food and cake that when we fled, we couldn’t make a run for it, for we were so full. We just walked to the car.

More recently, Nodin and I turned up for a wedding reception at UMA showground’s and before you even start thinking about it, we DID NOT crash the wedding for Groom, is a colleague from a leading newspaper. While the wedding was unique in its own way, the table and corner in which we were sitting was lighting up like fireworks on New Year’s Eve. Service at our table was swift and the attention we got was way above par.

At some point during the night, it was time to give out the cakes. For obvious reasons, Parents of Bride and Groom got the biggest cakes to go home with. Then cakes were given out to relatives, friends and in this case, one cake was given to the representatives of a nightclub where Bride works and one to the newspaper where, Groom works.

Now this is where it all becomes a bit of a blur. For some reason a cake was put on my table – and so close to me. It of course was an overwhelming gesture to think that Groom had thought of me! And through the corner of my eye, I could see this girl eyeing it. Taking no chances, I pulled it closer to me. When it was time to leave, Nodin and I picked up the cake and left but as we walked to the car, we could see the girl who had been eyeing ‘my cake’ running down the road after us. Not wanting to share the cake, we out ran her, got into the BMW and fled.

It was only two days later that I got a call from Sylvia from the paper wanting to know where the cake was. Apparently it was not mine but for the staff of the paper to share. Eek! But by then, it had already been waffled down! Sincere apologies to the staff of the newspaper who, were waiting for a slice of the cake but fret not, for a replacement cake is on the way.