The Football Match

My knowledge of Ugandan football is very bleak that when there is talk of The Cranes, I can only name one player – Dennis Obua and the coach, Bobby Williamson. Like many, I know much more about the English Premier League, The Spanish La Liga and The German Bundesliga. If I were to hazard a guess as to why, I think, it is because they play a better football than our home grown teams plus the marketing people of DStv’s Supersport, have done a good job of ramming foreign football down our throats and more importantly, ‘society’ I feel has not yet accepted that we – the white collar workers that is, should be seen sitting in the Kirussia Stand at Nakivubo Stadium supporting say URA against KCC. Therefore, for the time being, local football will remain a blue-collar sport.

Enter MTN. MTN has done a good job of marketing Ugandan football especially the national team – The Cranes. In fact, they have a done a better job than the local football governing body FUFA and it is because of MTN that I have been able to attend some matches – the first when The Cranes played Liberia at Nakivubo and the second, when they played South Africa, at Mandela Stadium.

I harbour fond memories of both games especially the Liberia match because then, I was working with WBS television which, granted me leave to meet and interview the legendary George Weah, roam the entire pitch and as well as being able to stand in the centre circle as the toss was being done.

Now how many of you have done that and yes, do you think I am so bragging? I so am! But the bragging is justified because as I flaunted myself across the entire length of the pitch and as I flossed with George, out in the stands there were was shouting. Amongst the inaudible shouting, there were also faces of envy. In my own small world, I basked in the glory and strode through the pitch with such panache that Johnny Walker of the Johnny Walker whisky fame who began walking from Kilmarnock, Scotland where the whisky is brewed, to wherever he was walking to would have been envious.

With hindsight, I should not have walked towards the infamous Kirussia Stand but then, I didn’t know that Kirussia was an infamous stand where all the hooligans and lumpens converge and I only went there because in my own small world, that’s where my supposed fans were sitting. I say supposed fans because they were making the most noise.

It’s only when I got up close to them and their shouts became audible that I figured they were not fans nor were they calling me over to ask me about George.

Instead, a middle-aged man who had a face like the inside of a pit latrine called me over and when I got to him, he spat out: “Tumbavu!” While I so clearly heard what he had shouted out, I knew it was not directed at me for, I had done nothing wrong to warrant abuse. Leaning my head towards him, I said: “Pardon?”

The conversation that followed and in Luganda, went along these lines.

Face Like Inside of Pit Latrine: “Eh, chaps look at this tumbavu. Now he is saying pardoni (that is how pardon is pronounced in Luganda). Gwe who do you think you are?”

TB: “The last time I enquired about myself, I was Timothy Bukumunhe, just returned from a very long sojourn in London and now working for WBS. And you sir, if you don’t mind me asking, who might you be?”

Face Like Inside of Pit Latrine: “Eh, eh! It is speaking English like a muzungu. Let me assure you that I know English. You mani (man?) You are there showing off that you know Weah, even us, we know him.”

TB: “Splendid, then that make two of us. Tell me, where did you meet him?”
Face Like Inside of Pit Latrine: (Asking his friends) “Oba splendid mean whati (what?). “Gwe you justi (just?) go away with your WBS cameras. We paid our money to come here to watch Weah play football and not to see you walking all over the pitch like you own the stadium. Do you think that Wava and his WBS cameras own Nakivubo? Tumbavu, oli stupidi (stupid?).

With that, the best part of Kirussia Stand goes into an overdrive and starts hurling out the most vulgar of insult words. Startled, I stand there for a while trying to figure out how to direct my retort when my phone rings.

It’s a friendly voice – that of OPP who now lives in the Diaspora saying. “TB are you on crack? What are you doing at the Kirussia Stand? Get out of there before they lynch you.” With that, I gave them the finger followed by “tumbavu and f**k off”!
That move made them mad. In an instance, they were trying to break down the crowd safety fence and baying for my blood as I sauntered towards the VIP section.

Though I had gotten away with it, it was years later when The Cranes hosted Bafana Bafana at Namboole did events eventually catch up with me. As I walked into the stadium, two men came up to me asking how WBS was and I replied telling them that it is fine though I am no longer there. The two men then whispered to each other before one of them lunged forward and slapped me clean on the cheek. He then looked at me, then said: “For George Weah, Nakivubo Stadium – tumbavu and f**K off!” and calmly walked off. It took me a while but I eventually remembered who he was. It was Face Like Inside of Pit Latrine. Yesterday I was not at the Cranes match at Namboole lest he was there ready to slap me yet again.