Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Chicks Can Embarass!

I would like to think that I am a hard man – the Jean Claude Van Damme, the Chuck Norris of the media world for I have seen stuff that would not only make a Billy goat puke but also give Joseph Kony sleepless nights.
But just when I thought I had seen it all, a spanner gets thrown into the works that made me shriek with embarrassment. This is how my hardness (and not in the actual sense of the word) unravelled.
Embarrassment - Season One
For arguments sake, let’s call her yellow Merc Jackie M. She was off to San Francisco to attend a convention and along with OPP we were to give her a lift to the airport.
But we had to ‘catch’ before we left for the airport and that we did from Miki’s Bar on the Munyonyo road. We got so carried away with catching that when we realized what time it was, it meant there was going to be a mad dash for the airport.
So into the Range we clambered sped off to Ebbs. In the panic to get to the airport on time, one thing that Jackie M did not do was to go to the toilet before we left.
Somewhere past Kajjansi, her bladder which was swirling with more than eight bottles of TML needed to be relieved. And it needed to be relieved straight away.
OPP had no choice but pull up to the side and out she shot and ran down the grassy verge. Now the mechanics of a woman going to the loo are far different than it is for us men. We men just flop ‘Segwanga’ out and that is it.
Jackie M being a squeeze, had to pull up her skirt, squat and hover in her butt in the air while she did her stuff. I presumed she would have done all that while facing away from the road. To my horror, when I looked out of the window, she was facing the car and what I saw was not a pretty sight!
The squirt so to speak, looked like a water fountain that was experiencing some form of mechanical problem for the squirts came out in five second spurts before dying down. And with that, she yanked up her G-string, pulled down her skirt and was back in the Range.
Embarrassment – Season Two
Clement K and I were in a small road side joint near Zone 7 having lunch which was served by a rather attractive young girl.
After she had served us lunch, she sought to chat with us – something that we were both okay with since we found her attractive. As the conversation flowed, it was broken by the shrill of a baby crying and with that, she went into a back room and reappeared with a baby whom she breast fed.
Okay, okay, wait for it! However, once the baby was done, Young Girl did not put her breast back. She let it hang out for a good twenty minutes while she had a conversation with us.
Our polite coughs to draw her attention to her boob which was hanging out of her blouse fell on deaf ears. At one point she even looked down at it, massaged it but didn’t put it back into her blouse.
Embarrassment – Season Three     
There is no way that my editors - CW and LP will publish season three’s details for they would get fired. If you really want to know what went down, e-mail me on tbukumunhe@googlemail.com and I will send you the vile details. Till next week.

Nyege Nyege 'She Devils' Thwarted Father Lokodo!

I love watching stand-up comedy. In fact, I believe Uganda has a crop of talented comedians like Daniel Omara, Patrick Salvador and Ann Ka...