How Vain Can We Get?

For arguments sake, let’s call her Tabitha. A few weeks ago, Tabitha threw a party at an upscale restaurant for her young daughter.

I of course was not invited because I didn’t know Tabitha, but was there to drop off an Indian friend with long hair who had been invited. When we got there, Indian Friend with Long Hair insisted that I hang around and I insisted that I should scoot since I had not been invited.

But he persisted and I stayed rather awkwardly because I could almost envision Tabitha sitting across the room seething that I had blatantly gate crashed her daughter’s birthday party and was also drinking her TML and eating her food.

Gate crashing a function is an easy affair but only if it is a big event where one can find a corner to hide, or you can recognize the host so you can hide away from them.

In this case I didn’t know the host, it was a small function with nowhere to hide and worst of all, I was not dressed for the function.

If it was embarrassing enough eating Tabitha’s dish and quaffing down numerous bottles of TML without a care in the world, how do you think I felt when she came up to me to say hello?

I chocked, I stammered, I wanted to do susu and I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. The first four all did happen but as for the floor opening up and swallowing me? Bleak!

But in her stride, she didn’t vex nor ask me who invited me. She talked to me politely and put me at ease.

There was another development that happened that I guess was worse than my crashing the party. Tabitha had also bought a bottle of Green Label Johnnie Walker. However, there was one guest who took it upon himself to monopolize the bottle – not in terms of drinking it by himself, but by packing it and taking it home! Now that is what I call tight!

Last Sunday I was at Embutuu, the Bukedde show in Nakivubo Stadium and our Lord Mayor, Erias Lukwago turned up. This time he turned up without his baleebesi – Ken Lukyamuzi and Kizza Besigye though I am not too sure who is a muleebeesi to whom. Is Lukwago a muleebesi to Besigye and Lukyamuzi a muleebesi to Erias or is it the other way round? Anyway, that is a story for another Sunday.

When Erias turned up, he turned up in his new Land Rover that is said to have cost the city sh300m. But something troubled me. That Land rover has air con so why would he want to ride about with the windows down?

Ah, he perhaps wants people to see him in it? But then again the car as personalized number plates – Lord Mayor so even if the windows were up and he was enjoying the air con, Erias, we would still know it was you in the ride. We don’t need to see you. You have personalized numbers remember?

But that got me thinking. Perhaps he was not happy with the personalized number plate. You see his core supporters are Luganda speakers so they may not understand what the number plate ‘Lord Mayor’ means. I am sure he wanted it to read ‘Loodi Mayor’ the Luganda version so that he can get the message home to his people.

But not all of us are vain and you really can’t blame people for their short comings – or can we?