What A 2012 Christmass

Of course, I didn’t go to church on Christmas Day. Why would I when all I had to do was go the information superhighway and catch an hour’s service on LTV or one of the Christian channels on DStv?

Luckily enough for me, somebody at UMEME thought it a good idea to do a spot of load shedding and that was it. I was out of bed and in the ride while cruising town and looking for some action.

I ended up in a suburb that I have never been to – Kyebando. For the people who live in those suburbs, you really have to give yourselves a big pat on the back because you live in one the filthiest suburbs that Kampala City has!

There was rubbish strewn all over the roads – everything from matooke peelings to entrails, shoes and whatever filth people throw out of their windows.

This now necessitated a trip to the carwash not only to have the ride cleaned but to have the tires fumigated lest I took some germs back to the affluent and clean suburb that I live in.

I drove to Speke Resort Munyonyo thereafter and it was a nightmare! It appeared that everybody in Kampala and regardless of social status, wanted to be in the resort. Of course for the owner, Sudhir Ruparelia that is, wherever he was, he must have had a smile on his face because the sound of ‘ki-ching’ (the till opening and closing) sounded every few seconds.

And there was competition as to who went out and bought the best Christmas wear. I have to give up to Chap who wore a yellow jacket, a purple polka doted shirt and a black tie! What was he on? Even security gave him more than a once over but that did not perturb him for as far as he was concerned, he was in his element – he was an extra in the fashion movie Prêt-a-Porter.

Speke Resort had a buffet that was fit for a king. I also felt a trifle unfair because while we feasted I felt guilty for the number of homeless I had passed on my drive through town and who would not be feasting on veal, turkey, the finest imported sea foods and the best deserts that Akilesh Malik and his staff came up with.

But what the heck, I could either wallow thinking about those who don’t have or I could fill my plate, waffle everything down and then spend the afternoon passing wind over a bottle of TML. I was not a hard decision to make. I filled my plate. I waffled everything down and I spent the afternoon passing wind over a number of bottles of TML.

And that was my Christmas – well not quite. I got played when I went to see a mechanic for air con gas for the ride.

When he turned up, Mechanic who had called him told him in Luganda something to this effect: “That one speaks English so you know what to do.”

Mechanic smiled and after doing a diagnosis he told me it would cost s120,000. What is that word I like using? Ah, tumbavu so I spat at him and assured him that just because I spoke in English, it does mean I don’t understand Luganda!

We eventually settled for 70k. I thought I had done well but it was Mechanic who had the last Christmas Day laugh. My air con now works so well except that it blows out hot air!

And with that, I guess I have to wish you all the best for 2013? Dam, people will think I have gone soft!