Happy Christmas!

Following on from last Sunday, my neighbour is still blaring out Christmas carols and this time, he has gone a step further – on the weekends, the carols blare out for the best part of the day.

The guys on the trucks who rush from kafunda to kafunda trying to get me to buy Christmas carol CDs still don’t know that, My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion is not a Christmas carol as is Do They Know Its Christmas by Band Aid. But they persist. They must have a short term memory span because they find me in the same kafunda on a daily arguing with Waitress who has bought me the wrong beer.

I am trying to be as religious as I possibly can during the run up to Christmas in three days time, but it’s a slog. Does attending numerous end-of-year office parties count? The ones I have so far been to have been all about quaffing endless supplies of beer and spirits. Ok, there were Christmas trees in the corner and Christmas lights strung all over the party venues so I guess, there was some religious aspect to them?

There are some Christians who claim to be more Christian than I am simply because they regularly go to church and they know a thing or two about the religious book - the bible that is. They tell me that Christmas day is about the celebration of the birth of Christ. But how can it be when no one really seems to know his exact birth date? Some religions believe that his birth was in October. Others say it was in April and some have it as being in December or January.

When I asked them if they could be exact, they were at a loss for words and mumbled something about the scriptures.

What they were adamant about, is that Jesus wants us to be ourselves and that he doesn't expect everyone to be perfect. Furthermore, he has given us the freedom of choice.

Yep, that I can live with, because I admit that I am not perfect in the religious or other departments.

However, I do know many people who claim to be squeaky clean Christians and yet some of their misdemeanours are far worse than mine. But I don’t berate them, like they berate me. Like I said, just because they can quote a verse or two from the bible they think they are ‘holier than thou’ and that the rest of us are ‘pagans’ who should not be celebrating Christmas but rounded up and burnt alive on stakes.

But get this you so-called Christians. I am going to spend the festive season having a blast. I am going to go to party after party and down as many beers as possible and fill my belly with finger bites.

One thing I will not be doing on Christmas day is going to church, because the last time I went, Priest asked me to leave a comfortable seat and go and sit on a hard bench that, was carved out of a Mabira forest mahogany tree back in the 50s because Cabinet Minister who likes to think of himself as being so holy and squeaky clean - yet he is not, had arrived late and had nowhere to sit.

And I thought that in church, god sees us as equals not so? Anyway, at least you know why I won’t be in church on Christmas Day and for those of you who do go, I kindly ask you to please put in a good word for me when you fall to your knees to pray. Otherwise, have a happy Christmas!