The Designer Vagina - Is It For Real?!

Some women will swear that the ultimate female fashion statement is, owning a designer accessory – a pair of Gucci shoes, a Dolce and Gabbana handbag or a Donna Karan scarf.

Others say it’s having a filthy rich man who, is old enough to be their grandfather, who owns a private jet and has homes in New York, London and Beverly Hills and who is about to drop dead after writing them into his will or for Uganda's sake, an old muzungu man who has a house in Bugolobi or Muyenga and who is as daft as Bad Black's David Greenhalgh to entrust her with signing rights to bank accounts that contain millions of US dollars.

Then there are those think plastic surgery tops them all like having a nose job, enhanced cheeks and perhaps fuller lips.

I don’t know any women who own Gucci shoes or a Donna Karan scarf. Nor do I know any women who are hanging on to  a filthy rich old man with a private jet and homes round the world. But I do know women who have had plastic surgery – not nose jobs, but bust jobs like fashionista guru, Sylvia Owori, that Heard girl and Bad Black. With two plastic bags filled with a silicone fluid inserted into their busts, they (busts) became fuller, more pronounced and firm though, Black’s sprung a leak and had to be removed.

In Hollywood, the list of film stars and music icons who have had plastic surgery reads more than 300 miles long - Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers, Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Elizabeth Taylor to Joan Collins. They all do it because they feel that their parental passed on genes short changed them and they were born ugly if not, it’s a quest to maintain their youthful looks.

I have no problem with people wanting to have plastic surgery. If some women want their boobs pumped full of silicone, good for them. If some men want bigger chests without having to go to the gym to work out or bigger calf muscles or firmer butts, I am cool with that too.

But with each passing year, women go the extra mile to have the body, the perfect body that only surgery can gave them. While the plastic surgeon may have dissected almost every part of their body, but did not yield the desired results, one day, one woman decided to have  surgery on her vagina and in the process, the ultimate fashion fad was born and the media have wasted no time in dubbing it the designer vagina.

While the fashion industry may have embraced the designer vagina, in the UK, the law makers are on edge and want it banned. Since 2010, the demand for designer vagina's has increased five-fold that British Home Secretary, Theresa May, has been forced to act. In an address to her fellow MPs in the House of Commons in December last year, she warned that ‘doctors who carry out designer cosmetic surgery on vagina's could be committing a criminal offence.’

But why would having a designer vagina be a criminal offence when it’s merely: “reducing the labia, tightening the vagina and increasing the “G-spot”.”  Well, The British Society for Paediatric and Adolescent Gynaecology, sees it as: “An unrealistic representation of vulval appearance in popular culture and intensive marketing of cosmetic genital surgery as an unproblematic lifestyle choice”.

While in Uganda and the rest of Africa there is no such thing as the designer vagina but female genital mutilation (FGM), a procedure that has rightfully been banned, sadly if Mrs. May has her way and the designer vagina is banned, it will only apply to those aged under 18.

Mrs. May might want to take into account that come February 6^th, Africa will commemorate the 12th International Day of Zero Tolerance to FGM when African women remember their sisters who have had their lives ripped apart by being  mutilated against their will while the British media markets the designer vagina to Hollywood.