Saturday, May 23, 2015

The Mo Money, Mo Problems Syndrome

In 1997, Biggie Smalls, Puff Daddy and Mase released the rap song - Mo Money, More Problems. Somewhere in the lyrics is the line: “I don’t know what they want from me, it’s like the more money we come across, the more problems we see...”

Emmanuel Adebayor, is a talented footballer whose skills were snapped up by English Premiership football club, Tottenham Hotspur and who are happy to pay him £100,000 per week (Sh430m) as a goal scorer.

At the end of the week when the money has been paid into his account, he gets stressed. While he wants to think about ‘financial security, more bling round his neck, a new crib or a pimped Range Rover Sport’, all that rings in his ears is, Mo Money, Mo Problems.

Reason? His relatives back in Togo are draining him that on his Facebook account, he recently wrote that: “During a family meeting, I was told to build each family member a house and give them a wage.” Ouch, a wage? What for?!

Then there is Josie Harris. Josie has two kids with boxing champion, Floyd Mayweather which is cool with me. However, no sooner had Mayweather stepped out of the boxing ring a few weeks ago with his $100m (Sh23bn) cheque for defeating Manny Pacquiao, instead of hearing the song – Celebration by Kool and The Gang ring through his ears, he instead heard the same tune that rings in Adebayor’s ears – Mo Money, Mo Problems.

You see, Josie wants $20m from Mayeather for an incident that happened in 2010 for, ‘defamation, intentional infliction of emotional stress and negligent emotional distress’ according to a lawsuit she filed with Los Angeles County Court and barely two days after Mayweather had picked up his winner’s cheque.

Off to England and enter Dale Vince. In the early 90s, Vince was ‘a penniless bum, a no-hoper and a waste of space‘, that Kathleen Wyatt, his wife at the time, had enough and took him to court and divorced him.

Years after the divorce, he got his act together and set up a company – Ecotricity that deals in green energy. So successful is the company that Vince, the once penniless bum, no-hoper and a waste of space, now has a fortune worth £23m.

Vince should be soaking up the sun on a beach in Barbados while quaffing champagne, eating caviar and listening to the ABBA song – Money, Money, Money. But Money, Money, Money is not the song that plays in his ears and is there any need to tell you that it’s – wait for it, wait for it – Mo Money, Mo Problems?

Despite having been divorced from Kathleen and not having any contact with her for more than 23 years, as soon as she (Kathleen) recently found out that Vince had made it and is worth £104m, she slithered out of the slimy sewers and took him to court to demand for £2m of his fortune!

Transgressing slightly, I should have finished this column weeks ago, but each time I come to it, I’m in such a rage over the Mo Money, Mo Problems syndrome, that I walk away from my laptop in disgust.

Lastly, I have to feel for M7. The NRM war ended 28 years ago, but still, there is always Villager popping out of Luweero and demanding compensation for a cow that he (M7), Tinyefuza, Saleh, Muhwezi, Kashillingi, Tumwine and the rest of the 27 rebels stole from Villager, roasted and ate whilst in the bush. For M7, it’s a case of, Mo Power, Mo Problems.

Smalls, Puffy and Mase, you were spot on in 1997 - as you are in 2015, for Mo Money, Mo Problems is still an issue.

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