Saturday, September 19, 2015

Dads Are Supposed To Be the Goofers And Not The Goofed

The rapper Puff Daddy recently made news for the wrong reasons. While Son was playing American football, there was a decision made by Coach that Puffy didn’t agree with. For that, Puffy took to the field after the game and gave him (Coach) a beating.

It’s usually Dad who is quick to chop a wire when they feel that Toy-ee has been wronged. Not so anymore. Mum too is chopping wires with violence being her first and last line of defence.

I am in KFC on a three piece chicken and fires meal and lost in thought wondering why they don’t sell the triangle that forms the chicken’s butt like Chap of TV chicken in Wandegeya near College Inn does. Anyway, through my peripheral vision I see Mum on the next table walk away to take a phone call leaving Young Daughter messing about with a tube of tomato sauce.

In the messing about, she squeezed out a blob that hit Lady on the next table. Young Daughter froze – her mind racing and trying to work out the ‘what next’.

Lady took it in her stride. She picked up a wad of tissues and tried to dab the sauce off her jacket – which just made it worse. Then she lost the stride as she walked off to the washroom by pinching Young Daughter on the arm and saying: “If you can’t behave, your mum should leave you at home.”

Young Girl let rip with a scream that had Mum rushing back to sooth her after which she steamed off to the washrooms and I guess you’ve already figured out what happened next? There was a blood curdling cry. Mum had attacked Lady and had dragged her out onto the restaurant floor.

Hair was yanked out, teeth ripped at body flesh, nails scratched and drew blood and goblets of malusu were spat at each other. When the fries and chicken that had been knocked over in the process settled, it was Lady who had emerged victor while on the floor, Mum bled and withered in agony.

If Parent feels the need to resort to violence in front of Toy-ee, is it not imperative that they emerge victor? If I got goofed in front of my toy-ee’s, what would they say? I have always told them that dad is Superman who can do anything and is very strong. Therefore, getting goofed at the checkout till in Uchumi and left crying is not an option. How would they cope with the school taunts of: “Your dad is a skirt who got beat up in Uchumi?” Any respect that they had for me would have gone out of the window and no doubt the folks at Kampala Sun would splash it as an exclusive.

Years back at his resort on the shores of Lake Victoria, Mullah was attacked by South African who had a body built like The Incredible Hulk’s. But Mullah didn’t flinch. He stood his ground, finished his burger then hissed out at him. The beating I thought South African was going to melt out didn’t happen. Rather, he deflated faster than a popped balloon at a kid’s birthday party, started talking gibberish and was slavering apologies down his shirt. WTF!

While Mullah hissed at Dad, Young Boy who was watching had a shell shocked look on his face and it was obvious that he wanted the resort to open up and swallow him.

The dad he had once held in high esteem, the dad who he thought had The Incredible Hulk muscles to pulverise anything that came into his path, was merely a gibberish slavering wreck who couldn’t flex. Had I been South African, I would have exiled myself to the North Pole because facing Young Son would have been tight.

Very tight because when Dad or Mom throws the first punch or slap, they are supposed to put their money where their mouth is and be the goofer and not the goofed!

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