Saturday, October 17, 2015

The World Order Deeply Perturb's Me

I am a man who is deeply perturbed. I seek answers but they are not readily forthcoming.

Uganda today is obsessed with trivial issues – deputy speaker of parliament, Jabob Oulnayah, being denied sex by Wifey; What really happened between Capital FM presenter Flavia Tumusiime and American rapper, J. Cole and does the Muhoozi Project really exist. Meanwhile on the global arena, people are doing bizzare things that could soon hit our shores and no one is seemingly concerned. Except, me!

Seeing its Sunday, it would be a good idea to start off on a religious note – not so? Warren Jeffs is American and leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS). In his preaching’s, there is however, something that deeply troubles. FLDS men are not permitted to have children with their wives. Instead, there is a select group of men known as Seed Bearers. A Seed Bearer is an elect man worthy of bloodline chosen by the Priesthood to impregnate the FLDS Woman. Putting it bluntly, all Husband does is to hold Wifey’s hand while Seed Bearer does the needful and spreads his seed into her.   

Then there is Jewel Shuping. As far as I can tell, she grew up a healthy normal child. But when she hit her teens, rather than take an interest in boys, going to the movies or clubbing, Jewel was consumed by a different fascination – that of blind people, that she went to the extent of buying a cane, wearing dark glasses and walking round town pretending to be blind. But somewhere down the line, she felt cheated. She got fed up of pretending to be blind that she did the needful and had drain detergent poured into her eyes so she could be permanently blind.

Ah, I there is a need to pause for I can hear you screaming: “TB has really lost the plot this week. Who pours detergent in their eyes and ever so willingly?” Oh yeah, while ‘I lost it’ long ago, I am not on the same level as Ms. Shuping. Anyway, her family have naturally thrown her out but her boyfriend has been understanding and has stood by her. He would, because he is blind – naturally blind and not detergent blind.

On the other hand, Geogina Girasoli didn’t go blinding herself. After giving birth, rather have the placenta thrown away as is the norm, she whisked hers in a blender and drank it down to ‘replenish her hormones, provide nutrients and help her avoid post-natal depression’. Really?  

Wrapping it all up is Caim Mortis who grew up a normal man until he felt the need to stand out from the crowd. There is nothing wrong with that because I too in my teen days sometimes felt the need to stand out – like turning up to assembly without a tie yet, everybody was wearing one.

But Mortis has taken the desire to stand out too far, way too far that when I saw his picture, I felt the need to fall to the floor and pray for him. Mortis has had horns implanted into his forehead. His eyes are tattooed black, he has rings pierced all over his face along with countless tattoos that when you look at him, you’ll think: “Jeez, he is the devil.”

Why are people doing these things to themselves? Has society failed them? Are Ugandans also doing them except, they never come to light? Maybe it’s me who’s not on the same page as the rest of the world and I have been left behind?

While I have a very liberal outlook on life, it however doesn’t stretch into cuckoo land and I will say – if we don’t do something to help those who are going askew, we may find that going to Java’s for a coffee is no longer the in thing, but having a placenta milkshake and croissant is, as is trying to beat the Ntinda traffic to rush home to hold Wifey’s hand while Seed Bearer does his stuff.

I didn’t mean to ruin your Sunday but I’m deeply perturbed and needed somebody to talk to, somebody to help me find answers.

You're Fired!

And just like that, it all comes to an end - your job that is. Some are fortunate enough to work to retirement age when, the office throws...