Saturday, June 18, 2016

Are You Man Enough For Your Kid?

Its Father's Day today. For Daddy, it’s all about one thing - the bragging rights that the sperm works and it effectively navigated Wifey or Girlfie's dark channel and did the needful.

Kids – especially boys, have various interpretations of daddy and Father's Day. Daddy, is supposed to be cool and have a fly ride. He is also supposed to be a mix of Rambo (below), John Mclean (from the Die Hard movie trilogy), Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee and Samuel L. Jackson for extra measure. That’s the kind of dad boys want – the dad who can walk into Nakivubo Stadium, scatter all the goons in the Kirussia stand, walk out unscathed and still give Moses Golola a couple of slaps that send him scurrying home in tears.

Mr. Bukumunhe, my dad that is, is not muscle. He is lean. I have never seen him in an aggressive situation with a melee about to kick. I have though, had visions of him in one and how he might handle himself. Would he do the needful and kick ass or would he get goofed. Who would he be in the melee with? Gordon Wava (below) perhaps? Justice George Kanyeihamba? Maybe Dr Martin Aliker – simply because I think they are all in the same age bracket. But then again, part of me thinks there might be need for me to step in and say: “Dad, step. I got this covered.”

Indian Mullah (below) owns a resort on the shores of Lake Victoria. I wouldn’t say he is muscle – but portly. One afternoon he got into a tangle with South African over racial comments that he (South African), had made to Waiter. South African was huge – 100% pure Gauteng muscled beef and who was flexing his boob muscles like Golola does. 

There was the square off with South African towering down into Indian Mullah’s face like Muhammad Ali did to George Foreman in Zaire in 1974 and you didn’t have to be a melee critique to figure out how it was going to end. Indian Mullah was going to get a hiding of a lifetime.

When the war of words erupted, the unthinkable happened and barely 40 seconds into the minute. Mullah ripped South African apart – literally dicing him that his 100% pure muscled Gauteng beef wilted and was akin to a cow being gutted in Kampala Meat Packers – the way the byenda pour out.

Worse, South African had Son with him – a young boy who was probably no more than ten-years-old and who am sure always saw Dad not only as 100% pure South Africa Gauteng muscled beef, but as Rambo, John Mclean, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Superman and probably Hulk Hogan too.

The look Son had when Dad was getting shot down was tight. He had tears in his eyes and when he looked up and saw Dad crying and reduced to a pathetic heap of flesh, he too cried. Once the verbal onslaught ended and as they walked away, I really felt for Son.

I mean what sort of dad does that to his son? What gutless, cheap, worthless dad can’t man-up to do the needful so that Son can go to school the next day with bragging rights and gloat to his friends how Dad pulled killer moves that sorted out the other dude and even swung in Bruce Willis’s Die Hard chant of - “Yippee Ki Yay!” or better, evoked Samuel L. Jackson’s (below) eerie bible quote from the movie Pulp Fiction - “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee” as he drove in that final punch to send the other chap to Mulago Hospital's intensive care unit.  

Today and as we celebrate Father’s Day, there are many young boys and girls out there who look to their fathers the same way that my sisters – Julie, Susan, Linda, Hellen and Brenda, looked up to Mr. Bukumunhe and still do. Kids want to know that dad is always hoovering around doing the needful and was always there doing things that dads are supposed to do with their kids.

I am however, very relieved that I didn’t get to find out if Mr. Bukumunhe with his lean body was Rambo, John Mclean, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Samuel L. Jackson or not. I also doubt he’s like me – a real Kisekka Market brawler when the need arises.

But if anybody doubts my market brawler skills because of the demure look in this picture (above) and you want to bring it on, oh please man-up and meet me behind Nakivubo stadium this evening at 7:00pm or forever hold your mouth.

Otherwise, have yourselves a happy Father’s Day         

Pictures: New Vision, Internet, Daily Monitor, NTV

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