Saturday, December 10, 2016

It's A Robert Kabushenga Decision

In Twenty Days, 2016, will be nigh. A year that many of us - especially Hillary Clinton, would rather forget and hope that 2017 yields richer rewards. Except, the year won’t start off on a good footing for Hillary because come January 20th, 2017, she is likely to be locked up in her bedroom and in an uncontrollable sob as The Donald is sworn in as president. 

Before the year ends, there are two memos we expect CEO - like Robert Kabushenga below, to have instructed HR to pin up on the notice boards at our places of work - that our end of year bonuses have been despatched to our bank accounts, and that the office Christmas party will be held on Friday at 4:00pm.

We all expect bonuses. We see it as a given for the work that we did throughout the year. Even Slacker who beat the systems that HR had set in place and always got in late and was the first to leave in the evenings or chopped work to go do his own things, expects a bonus.

It’s not just we who work for the big corporations that expect the bonus. Housie, Askari, Petrol Pump Attendant and Waitress, are all looking for rewards too. In the case of Petrol Pump Attendant, Askari and Waitress, they expect a double bonus – one from Employer and the other, from Customer who they so diligently served during the year.

But there’s a problem. By now, Chief Financial Officer would have informed CEO and HR, that the year was not good and thus, he is unable to find the money for bonuses – let alone spirit money away on a frivolous thing such as a Christmas party. And while Chief Financial Officer can hide away in his office on the 5th floor – away from the mass of workers and not feel the eyes of busungu burrowing into him, its HR and anyone who works in that department that’s going to get it good and proper. The trickle-down effect will also be felt at home when Askari takes his sweet time opening the gate in the dead of the night, while Housie will serve a meal that not even the dog will eat.

However, there are a select few, like MP, Waitress, Traffic Cop, DUI Roadblock Cop who so won’t be beefing with Chief Financial Officer because they are a law into their own hands and their bonus is assured.

By the time MP can get us to pay for his funeral, a new car, a second hand suit, underwear and a vest from Hawker outside Amber House, he has the powers to make us give him a bonus. Waitress on the other hand, will pick up her bonus from adding the odd five beers onto your bill while you are in a drunken stupor. If you want thwart her plans, don’t run up a tab. Whatever you order, pay for it there and then and watch her froth at the mouth.

While it’s unlikely that Employee of Crane Bank will be getting a bonus as long as they still under the bosom of Bank of Uganda, or those of Barclays in Tanzania – if a leaked memo (Below) is to be believed, the mega bonuses this month will go to Cop – especially DUI Cop. Who wants to spend the Christmas holiday incarcerated in Jinja Road, Kabalagala or Wandegeya police stations?             

In the meantime, on the notice board at Sunday Vision, no memos of an impending end of year bonus or a Christmas party have been posted. But wait a minute, let me go check with Gaetano (Below) and Malaika Nnyanzi at Urban TV and with Siima Sabiti and Rudende at X-FM just in case, Chief Financial Officer, HR and most importantly, CEO - Kabushenga reached out them and left we at Sunday Vision out in the cold.  

Pictures: New Vision, M-Net, Twitter

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