There is something about being a
civil servant. Civil Servant is a breed unto their own, with their own rules of
ethics, sense of dress and approach to work.
Civil Servant can be spotted a
mile away. If he is male, he’s likely to wear a white shirt - a short sleeved one
at that with a tie and beneath it, a fishing net vest. Who on earth still wears short
sleeved shirts with a tie? Surely, it must be against the laws of fashion?
Going on, he also has three to four sets of Bic or Nice House of Plastic pens –
blue, black, red and green in his shirt pocket. Why he needs a multitude of
different coloured pens I don’t know, but I suspect when they are neatly lined
up in his shirt pocket it makes him look all important, like he is the final
signatory on the ministry cheque or some important document. Lastly, he has a laptop bag
with him except, there is no laptop in it, but a Bukedde or New Vision
newspaper from last December and more pens just in case the ones lined up in his
pocket die on him.
Recently I found myself in need
of something called a tax identification number or TIN to complete a business
transaction for without it so I was advised, said transaction could not be
completed. It was news I didn’t want to hear because it would necessitate dealing with Civil Servant and going
to a cramped URA office that has no air conditioning and where I guess they still use wooden
furniture that was constructed when Sir Andrew Cohen was still Governor General
of Uganda in the 50s.
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| URA Commissioner General, Doris Akol |
The first step to getting a TIN
number is to go online and fill in the application form. It should have been
easy enough except, that I don’t have a PhD in the Comprehension Civil Service
Speak and thus was unable to understand the form the first time I read through
it. And the second time too, the third and the fourth.
The first question was easy
enough. “Title (optional)”. Question 7 which was mandatory because it had a red
* is: “Mothers maiden name?” Jeez, but what on earth does my mother’s maiden
have to do with getting a TIN number?
Section C, isn’t really a
question but asks you what two identification documents you intend to produce
to support the application. It could be anything from employment ID, voter’s
card, passport, national ID, NSSF card and so on. On me, I had an employment ID. That’s it. But
I do know my NSSF number off head and duly etched it in the box and made way to
the URA office.
Upon arrival, it was more than a
pleasant surprise to find they had modern furniture and even air-conditioning
but, Fat Woman who bore all the hallmarks of being a staunch civil servant was
still there. She had this DO NOT MESS WITH ME look on her face and when I
slapped my papers on her desk, she didn’t look up. So I proffered a meek ‘good
afternoon’ and still no response.
HER: “I need your NSSF card” she
suddenly sprung.
ME: “But the card has no value. Surely
it’s the number that you need and I wrote it in the box.”
HER: “I need your NSSF card” then
turned back to her PC.
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| The Finger and Pout of Assuring |
So what did I do next? I hurled
four tumbavu’s at her, knocked her PC
off her desk and gave her two hot slaps before security sprung to action and arrested
me. Okay so I am lying. I needed her more than she needed me so I meekly trudged
off round the corner to NSSF headquarters and half-an-hour later, I was back
with a gleaming new NSSF card.
Do you sense a ‘BUT’ coming on?
There was indeed a ‘BUT’. “But it has to be approved. Come back tomorrow or
Friday” so she blurted out.
ME: “You mean somebody has to
approve which TIN number to allocate me?”
Of course, there was a deftly
silence so I upped my game. “Listen, I am not applying for a bank loan. I am
sure getting a TIN number is a five-minute job. Just find a number which is
free and put my name next to it.
For that suggestion, I was
directed round the corner to see Supervisor who had no inclination of helping
me until he spied my surname. There is no need to bore you with the details but
to say, ten minutes later I was on my way home with a TIN number.
What surprised though, was that
they didn’t ask for 10k as ‘administrative fees’.
Pictures: New Vision, Agencies
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