Since the year started, a soothing
calm has prevailed over this dusty city of ours as it tries to regain its sanity, clarity and
direction after the Christmas recess. Many of us had beat a hasty exodus with
Teen Daughters to the depths of the districts - fearful of the arrival of the
Ba-Summer - especially the boys who were bound to unleash carnage for the month
that they were on holiday including, scattering Teen Daughters with their
diaspora swag.
The week preceding Christmas,
Entebbe airport was a mess as Emirates and Qatar airlines ferried in plane
loads of Ba-Summer. Each arrived with an accent – an accent they probably spent
months trying to perfect into an east coast or west coast US accent or a
British one at that. Having an accent was crucial, but the most important
accessory every Ba-Summer had to have, was the British or American passport.
The Arrival of Ba-Summer |
They needed to have one so they could floss on Fake Ba-Summer – as in those who live in the diaspora but still need a
visa unlike them, the Real Ba-Summer who just waltz in. They need the British
and American passport to assure immigration and customs at Entebbe airport that
they are ‘foreigners’ and therefore need to be treated with respect and failure
to get that respect, they will rant and call the British High Commission or
American Embassy – if not, to go onto Twitter and Facebook and vent their wrath
with the rest of the world telling them how barbaric and heavy-handed officials
at Entebbe Airport are.
A Must Have? The British Passport |
During their stay, the Ba-Summer
looked so different from the rest of us. The Tommy Hilfiger, Adidas, Nike and
Rebook T-shirts they wore, all had authentic logos with perfect stitching, unlike
the ones sold in Uganda and imported from some backwater sweat shop in Taiwan
where, fake logos are sewn on askew and Tommy Hilfiger is spelt as ‘Tommy
Hilfigger’, Adidas as ‘Addiddas’, Nike as ‘Nikke’ and Rebook as ‘Rebbook’.
Authentic Tommy Hilfiger Wear |
In the diaspora, the Ba-Summer are
reliant on Visa and not cash. In Uganda we also use Visa but the Ba-Summer are
a step ahead of us. While Visa services are now available in most big stores,
bars and restaurants, the Ba-Summer are not used to inserting their cards into
the machine. They are used to ‘contactless’ – a simple tap of the Visa card on
the machine to complete the transaction.
One thing that shocked many of
them is that Uganda has Uber. “What you have Uber in Uganda?!?” so I heard one
of them exclaim to what looked like her rather bemused Living In Uganda Cousin.
And she went on – “Is it like the one in England?” At this point I should have
interceded and given her a couple of slaps and told her to stop faking it, because it was so obvious she was
one of them Ba-Summer who had been living in England for less that three
months. I found this out because when Living In Uganda Cousin went to the
washroom, the Ka-Summer gave up on forcing her awful South London accent and
came back to down to earth and was now using proper Ug lingo like – “I sloped
down to the ka-shop” and “Eh, that ka boy is fake, oba a muyaye - just” to whomever
she was talking to on the phone.
Having Ba-Summer in town was economically
enriching for us. They gave us their American dollars and British pounds to change
into Uganda shillings and we made sure we paid ourselves - without first asking them, a 30k – 50k commission
per transaction. When they asked how much it is to fill up the Premio with a
full tank of petrol, we told them 450k yet it’s only 190k. And when they
discovered roadside Rolex, we told them they cost 8k yet, they cost a mere
sh1,500.
For Every £50 They Gave Us to Change For Them, We Gave Ourselves A £10 Commission |
But now, they have departed back to the wintery cold of the US and UK - empty handed of course because while they were here, their authentic Tommy Hilfiger, Adidas, Nike, Rebook went missing as did their socks, make up kits, authentic iPhone chargers. But the funny thing, the day after they left, we somehow manged to 'find' them. Hmm!
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