Timothy Bukumunhe : Pimping The Ride Or Malidadi

There is, an American rapper out there called Alvin Nathaniel Joiner. That’s his birth name. His rap name is Xzibit. I guess he had a stout reason to change his name because going on stage as Alvin Nathaniel Joiner, would certainly not fill concert halls nor give him the hardcore and dope rapper street cred.

MTV Pimp My Ride Host, Xzibit

Xzibit used to host a show on MTV called ‘Pimp My Ride’ which essentially, was about – err, pimping rides (duh!). For the benefit of those who are of advanced age, having your car or ride pimped is done by ‘adorning them with accessories like chain steering wheels, fuzzy pom pom fringe, fuzzy dice, spinners, specialized suspension, superfluous neon lighting, mud flaps sporting silhouettes of nude women, or mirrored disco balls’.

By the way, if there was a Ugandan version of ‘Pimp My Ride’ on Bukedde TV, would they call it 'Okunyiriza Emotoka', or simply Malidadi?

Back in the 70s if I recall, Dads car was pimped and no, it didn’t have chain steering wheels, fuzzy pom pom fringe, fuzzy dice, spinners, specialized suspension, superfluous neon lighting, mud flaps sporting silhouettes of nude women, or mirrored disco balls. In that era, they pimped cars with a dog that kept on nodding its head and which, sat between the speakers on the rear board of the car or on the dashboard. Looking back, for the life of me, I can’t fathom why men in that epoch pimped their rides with a nodding dog.

Then the dog vanished and in the late 90s, the malidadi that everybody wanted were the fur dice that knocked about off the rear-view mirror or the thick fur rug that was more like a bathroom rug and which ran the entire length of the dashboard. So not cool! My friend Julian Mugisha, once turned up at New Vision in a car that had a rug. Obviously, I was so aghast.

The Dashboard Rug Was Once The Malidadi To Have

Kisseka Market in downtown Kampala, is the Mecca for car spare parts including Malidadi Mechanic who can pimp your ride. My maiden sortie into the market to replace the wing mirror on the Honda ended up with Malidadi Mechanic ambling up and giving me some spiel on how he could make the Honda stand out with tinted windows.

I should have said no, but I told him to go ahead. With the scorching Kampala sunshine, the tint was effective. Not only did the car look malidadi it looked funky - like a ride straight out of a Snoop Dogg video and kept prying eyes out. All was good until it was time to drive home after a late night at work. But the tint was so heavy, I couldn’t see out of the windows – not even the lights of the cars coming down a side street which, necessitated my driving home with the windows down and in a heavy downpour. The next day, I called Mechanic and had it removed.

The next malidadi trend to hit were the lights under the car and on the exhaust pipe, that every time you hit the brakes, the pipe and undercarriage would light up like a Christmas tree. And before you ask, no the Honda didn’t light up like a Christmas tree whenever I hit the brakes.

Malidadi Lights In The Wheels, Grill, Exaughst Pipe and Under Carriage

Other malidadi fixtures that chaps added included, a compact disc dangling from the rear-view mirror, a tennis ball on the ariel, bling spinning rims and not forgetting the tiger seat covers which was a must for every Bleached Kikuubo Woman Trader to have for her short chassis Pajero.

Tiger Seat Covers Were A Must Have For Kikuubo Woman Trader

The bling that’s in demand today, are the flashing blue and red lights fitted to the front grill which for some morbid reason, so delights the living daylights out of the mpenkoni driving men from Mbarara, Rushere, Bushenyi, Kabale and beyond - including the Congolese and Sudanese. Hmm!