Saturday, July 28, 2018

Just How Much Of A Mulalu Are You?


The suburb of Luzira, if it had a claim to fame, it would be the prison, Uganda Breweries and Butabika National Hospital on the fringes and in socially acceptable speak, is a psychiatric hospital for them who have lost the plot.

Butabika National Hospital
We all have a degree of ‘madness’ in ourselves. I think my ‘madness’ is the normal run-of-the-mill madness while others think I should be on the fast track to Butabika. Then, there are people who have mental problems - real mental problems that the wires snap and they end up going nuts, cuckoos and much more. When that happens and it becomes too much for a family to handle, the only recourse is checking them into Butabika – something that many families go out of the way to keep hush hush.  

On the streets of Kampala, right from the crack of dawn and at the major intersections, there are people who do things that border on the bizarre – if not lunacy. Last year there was Dude who was fond of perching himself near Radio One, and all he did all day is scream. Nobody seemed to know why he was screaming except that when he did it, he was like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the supermarket when denied a bar of chocolate.

Does anybody remember the man they called City Link? City Link used to walk himself from somewhere in Nakawa in his rags of clothes to Wandegeya I think it was, then back to Nakawa throughout the day. He didn’t make use of the pavements but, walked down the middle of the Kampala Road which of course, irked many a motorist who hurled all kinds of abuse at him – the most common being mulalu. But part of me doesn’t think he was nuts, because when a Gagga or Horizon bus came hurtling towards him, he ‘woke up’ and stepped aside onto the pavement to let it pass.   

Meanwhile, there was Indian Kid who suffered a bout of temporary madness at a school just down road from Gadaffi Mosque. At an end of term party, all students were encouraged to turn up dressed at their heroes. Indian Kid duly dressed as Superman complete with red boots and cape. As he stood on the second-floor balcony, the kids below him shouted out: “Fly Superman fly”. With that, the temporary madness kicked in that he scaled the safety railing, punched his fist into the air like Superman does and ‘flew’ – except, he didn’t fly but fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. The bout of temporary insanity he suffered, vanished the moment the pain to his broken legs started to seep in.

Jump Superman, Jump

Taboo USA is a National Geographic documentary and in one particular episode, it made for distressing viewing for Chap firmly believed he was born a dog trapped in a human body and trust me you had better brace yourselves for what you are going to read next.

Are You Mulalu Enough To Think You Are A Dog?

So, convinced he is a dog that at his home, he sleeps in a kennel. And there is more. During the day he dresses up as a dog and gets his friend to lead him round town on a dog leash. At the stores, he doesn’t buy himself sane people’s food like cornflakes, bread or pasta, but dog food - dog cookies and canned dog meat.

Still on Taboo USA, Next Chap thought he was a vampire. He believed it was in him, in his spirits. Speaking to camera, he said: “If I don’t get my fill of human blood, my body won’t cope”. So where did he get the human blood to drink so his body would cope? Easy. He simply advertised and there were volunteers who allowed him to sink his ‘fangs’ into their backs and drink their blood. Hmmm. 

Mr Vampire 


Pictures: kfm.co.ug, Zentai, Natgeotv.com





You're Fired!

And just like that, it all comes to an end - your job that is. Some are fortunate enough to work to retirement age when, the office throws...