Do They Know Christmas Is Over...?

Neighbour so it seems, does not know that Christmas is over. A good part of me thinks it’s because he was gifted with a surround system as his Christmas present. Since he got the surround, he starts as early as 8:00am in rendering himself a nuisance. His playlist is predictable. He always starts off with a Jimmy Katumba song which, he never plays out to conclusion. Rather, he stops it halfway through and then repeats it. Next up is that dreadful song by Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On. But what I don’t get, is what does the song have to do with Christmas? If memory serves me correct, is it not the ‘death song’ in the movie, Titanic and was played when Jack, (Leonardo DiCaprio) was drowning?  if not, its Do They Know Its Christmas by Band Aid. Anyway, Neighbour made it one of his Christmas carols. After the ‘death song’, he follows up with numerous gospel songs for about an hour before he unleashes some Lingala and I had no idea that you could buy Lingala Christmas carols.

Do They Know It's Christmas By Band Is Not A Christmas Carol As Many Think

With the kalango Neighbour has made for the entire hood in blaring off his surround system, I am sure it won’t have gone unnoticed by Neighbourhood Thief who, is sure to pop round in the dead of the night and duly relieve him of it in the next couple of nights. Neighbour though, is not the only person making a nuisance of himself post-Christmas. Since the start of the year, it has been hard to concentrate – not just at work, but out shopping and especially while having a drink in a kafunda. 

You see, every ten-to-fifteen minutes, a truck will pass by and on the back of each truck are huge speakers blaring out distorted music. Along with the loud and distorted carols, there is a nigga (as they like to call themselves) on each truck doing a sales pitch – screaming into the microphone while, an army of foot soldiers run amok, swarming the kafunda’s and trying to shove Jim Reeves CDs down our throats.

The carols were so loud that Waitress could not hear what Customer was asking for that she kept getting the orders wrong. But wait up, that is nothing unusual because even if it had been as quiet as a hospital operating theatre and she had clearly heard every word Customer said, she would still have gotten the orders wrong because that is what Waitress is supposed to do – to bring you the wrong order.

Foot Soldier wanted me to buy Do They Know Its Christmas by Band Aid. In my worst Luganda and Foot Soldier, in his worst English, the conversation went along these bumbling staggered lines.

Foot Soldier: “Boss, this one is nice.”

TB: “No, it’s for the bafu (dead) who died in the Ethiopian famine of 1984.”

Foot Soldier: “Boss, eno nnyimba ya Ssekukulu.”

TB: “Yeah, nnyimba about the bafu in Ethiopia!”

As he walked off and above what I am so sure was so not a Christmas carol, I heard Foot Soldier mutter to his colleague that: “Oyo, mukadde, tamanyi nnyimba za Ssekukulu (he is old, he has no idea about Christmas carols).

As January takes root, when will they stop playing Christmas carols? Will Neighbour’s surround system survive Neighborhood Thief and last into Easter? Will Foot Soldier eventually figure it out that, Do They know Its Christmas, has never been a Christmas carol but just a famine fundraising song?

By the way, as Foot Soldier scurried off in search of a willing customer, I was so not amused by his comments so I slithered “tumbavu” out at him, but he didn’t hear me for Silent Night was now playing at fever pitch and Waitress didn’t hear what I ordered and had yet again presented me with the wrong order. 

Pictures: Balaam Marketing And Promotions Agency, Band Aid, Time Magazine