750k Trying To Get 'Some' This Valentine's - Who Does That?

If John Speke, Richard Burton and the missionaries had not come to Uganda, there is a good chance we might have never heard of Valentine’s Day. As it is, Speke, Burton and the missionaries did come to Uganda and along with them, Valentine’s Day this Thursday 14th.

 

Will Cupid Do The Needful This Thursday?

It’s said that every holiday serves as an aide-mémoire, to take time out and acknowledge something and that Valentine’s Day, is our reminder to stop the boring relationship routines and make special accommodation to the ones we love and dedicate the day to them to reconnect. Hogwash just!

  

My assessment of Valentine’s Day, is a few hours which men created for women - from chocolate hearts, teddy bears and roses which leaves them with a heightened sensitivity to romance. And it’s also no secret that men look at Valentine’s Day to capitalize on women’s vulnerability in hopes of entering a new relationship, but more importantly, to get rewarded with getting ‘some’.

 

Do Chocolates Expedite Getting 'Some'?

Men from Najjera, to Wandegeya to Rubaga and beyond who participate in Valentine's Day do it for that reason, but getting ‘some’ comes with financial implications that are conditional on one’s commitment level and how much you are willing to fork out. Take a look at her Valentine budget which, you are expected to cater for.

Salon: 200k 

Clothes and Accessories: 200k +

Dinner: Serena, Emin Pasha, Sheraton, Protea: 250k +

Fuel: 100k if Japanese ride

Total: 750k

In summation, in order to get ‘some’ on Valentine's Day, you need to have at least 700k + in the wallet. But if that figure doesn’t put you off, then going out to eat will. By now, just about every hotel and fancy restaurant has flooded radio, television and social media with sweeping romantic ads along the lines of: ‘Celebrate Valentine’s Day in a romantic and quiet setting with the finest cuisine while listening to serenading jazz music. Includes free bottle of wine.’

 

Valentine's Day Is Not About Love. It's About Getting Into Knickers

So you take the plunge and fork out 250k + for dinner at a swanky Kololo restaurant you’ve never heard of – not because you really want to, but because of that deal clincher in the advert – ‘includes a free bottle of wine’.

However, when you get there, it’s a problem finding parking because it’s full and Askari is of no help because the Premio doesn’t match up to the fuel guzzling 4x4 German rides. When you walk in, it’s far from being quiet and romantic because every couple who lives in Najjera is there including Couple who travelled down from Matugga. You can tell they are from Matugga because she’s wearing a scarlet red frumpy dress with black gloves, while he has a smug ‘I have arrived’ look.

Of course, you expect the restaurant to give you that personal touch – Waiter at your beck and call who you can shout at, abuse, treat like a dog and who will slaver at your every whim – after all, is it not your ‘entitlement’ because you forked out 350k?

 

250k + For Dinner?

It’s when you taste the free bottle of wine – one with a name that neither you, nor Waiter, let alone Date can pronounce, that you find that it’s a cheap plonk bought from Dealer downtown while the food is basic and Waiter is not slavering to your every whim.

That pretty much sums up the problem with Valentine’s dinner — no matter the location or budget, a full restaurant means more people talking, which leads to more people trying to be heard over the jazz band, that you end up spending the entire dinner listening to Neighbours’ conversation and shouting “I can’t hear you” to Date.

Hmm!

So, forfeit getting ‘some’ and spend the 750k in a Wandegeya, Ntinda or Bweyogerere 3k-a-beer kafunda where it will last a good number of days and not just a couple of hours.