Is Your Dad Chuck Norris, Rambo, Arnie Schwarzenegger Or Van Damme?

Quora, an online website, describes a ‘father’ as being more than just a name or a title. “A father is one who loves his sons and daughters with unconditional love. A real father accepts his sons or daughters if they tell him their gender orientation is different. If their sons have fallen in love with another boy, or daughter with another girl, they will still love them unconditionally.” With that narrative, it’s easy to quantify Quora as an American website and that its 722 employees must be white.

Wait up, no mention of: “Being a King Kong, the master ninja and a person who can goof all other dads?”

If Your Dad Was Rambo, Who Would Mess With Him?

 It was shortly after a Shaggy concert at Speke Resort Munyonyo. Kids were larking in the pool while Expatriate Parent loafed on the sun loungers soaking up the sunshine. As we stood by the kitchen munching on burgers with The Mullah who is of Indian decent, shirtless Expatriate Parent, who had a body that was a wrap of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Rambo and who stood 6ft plus, marched up and started rebuking Waiter for getting his order wrong.

IF Waiter was scared, I was terrified because this mix of Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Norris and Rambo, had biceps the size of the steel central column holding up Crested Towers building. If a melee brewed, Waiter was but mere fodder. By the way, I like a melee now and again to get rid of my frus, but not with Arnold, Jean…. I half expected The Mullah to follow suit, but he didn’t. He stayed put, finished his burger then, launched an attack on Expatriate Parent.

 

The Dad To Have: Arnold Schwarzenegger 

The Mullah, is short and portly so who did he think he was to take on a 6ft plus mix of Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Norris and Rambo? I could see myself spending the rest of the afternoon on my hands and knees looking for his teeth in the grass. Meanwhile, Expatriate Parent’s young son had rolled up with his friends and was stood there with a full beam across his face and waiting for the inevitable to happen – that of his dad goofing the lights out of the Mullah.

Except, it didn’t go to script. In shock and awe feat, The Mullah launched in first with a tirade of swear words – some that I had never heard of at Expatriate Parent. And he didn’t just stop with words. He stood on his forefeet trying to gain some height then, stretched his arm out and wagged his index finger literally millimeters from Expatriate Parent’s eyes, while continuing with the onslaught of swear words.

Jean Claude Van Damme Can Goof The Life Out Of All Other Dads

When the dust settled, you could almost hear a pin drop on the grass. Expatriate Parent glared down at The Mullah and The Mullah scowled back at him. Expatriate Son looked on waiting for his dad to unleash the mother of all punches while Waiter who was being berated was long gone. On the other hand, I thought of pulling at The Mullah’s shirt and urging him to walk away but the unthinkable happened.

Expatriate Parent simply broke into tears! In a matter of seconds, he had deflated from a muscled body, to a scrawny and feeble one – almost akin to that of India’s Mahatma Gandhi.

Then he blubbered about how much he had to drink the previous night and how sorry he was. If there was ever just cause for Expatriate Son to divorce his dad as they are so fond of doing when they feel let down, it was then. I mean, how does a portly short man, shame your dad who, has a combo of a Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Norris and Rambo body in front of your friends?

 

Nothing Gets In The Way Of Chuck Norris

Perhaps, that’s the reason why Quora makes no mention of: “Being a King Kong, the master ninja and a person who can goof all other dads” in its definition of fatherhood?   

Picture Credits: rollingstone.com, comicbook.com, businessinder.com