Tuesday, April 9, 2013

The Sniffing Billy Goat, Mr. Vegas and Charles

David Attenborough is a renowned zoologist who has a number of award winning documentaries to his name. I don’t know why I have had to mention him but seeing that he knows more about animals than I do, I thought I might just throw him into the article.


I spent the best part of Saturday morning in a goat and sheep market. In one of the pens, there was Billy Goat who specialized in acts that many of my peers would find gross and disgusting.

Billy Goat spent his time sniffing at the She Goats genitalia. He sniffed until he could sniff no more. At one point he even sniffed at a she goat who, was in the process of having a poop. I would have thought he would have waited till she was done and cleaned herself up, but bleak. He carried on sniffing!

And while he was doing his sniffing, he was not shy about it. He didn’t take She Goat somewhere private. He did it right there in front of a Catholic Sister who was buying chicken, in front of younger goats who could have been his kids, and in front of a group of school kids who were walking home.

And you know what, in the animal kingdom, nobody complains – not even the police goats, assuming that they exist.

From the goat and sheep market, it was off to Club Silk’s Street Jam. The top billing was an artiste from Jamaica who called himself Mr. Vegas and who I of course had never heard of.

However, going by the crowd that turned up, it did not matter at all that I had never heard of him. They had. And at some point I took refuge in the VIP tent and whilst I was there, I made small talk with the person sitting next to me.

He had a West Indian accent so I was right to presume that he was one of the baleebesis’ that Mr. Vegas came with. Having not met Mr. Vegas I asked muleebesi if he could point him out to me.

Muleebesi merely shot me a quizzical look followed by a scorned look. And this is what he had to say for himself: “I am Mr. Vegas!” It seems I have a habit of shooting myself in the foot. I simply got up, poured myself another drink and melted away into the crowd.

Talking of artistes, there is an up-coming artiste called Charles Sendi. I know him but rather embarrassingly I don’t know any of his songs. Charles was shooting a video for his song – Noono and he wanted me to star in it as a bishop who is marrying a couple.

I agreed and the technicalities of shooting a video are rather complex. The same shot had to be taken over and over again from different angles. There is a lot of sitting about and having to deal with the video’s director – Godfrey Kivumbi.

He had the concept in his head and only he knew what he was looking for. I have seen some of the rough edited cuts and so far, Godfrey has done an impressive job in making me look good.

That being the case, come Monday I will have to pop down to one of the malls to buy some swag or rude bowy clothing for I am sure at the MTV Base Awards later on this year, I will have to be there to represent. Have I missed anything out? Oh, can anybody give me a crash course on how to twang – to speak like a rude bowy? I would much appreciate it.

The Perv Boss - Every Woman's Nightmare!

Sexual harassment: “The unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature which makes a person feel offended, humiliated and/or intimidated. It include...