The Job Description

Everybody who is employed has a JD (job description) of some sort. I guess even the unemployed also have one that reads something along the lines of: “Unemployed, bored, sitting at home.”

The lady who sells mandazi, her JD most likely reads as follows: “Find a good spot to perch. Radio One is ideal because of the heavy traffic. Make sure the mandazi is fresh and you have enough newspapers in which to wrap. You don’t get a day off, and your hours of employment are from 7:00am until all is sold.”

There is however, one JD I have been trying to get hold of but to no avail and that is President Museveni’s JD. I assumed that since he holds a public office, it would be easy to get, but despite the e-mails I sent out, the calls I made, the offices I have been to, nobody seems to know where his JD is.

The Ministry of Public Service told me they can’t help and referred me to State House’s web site. I also sent them a message on Facebook and Twitter and got no response. I tried Sarah Kagingo, who then was doing PR for State House and again, bleak. And that got me thinking. Perhaps they think I am after his job and that’s why they won’t give it to me.

But I don’t want his job - far from that. For the past two months I have been trying to keep tabs on what exactly M7 does during a working day and he seems to spend an awful lot of time opening schools, factories, shopping malls, office blocks, hospitals, roads or dams. If he is not opening schools, factories, shopping malls, office blocks or hospitals, then he is hob knobbing with the pope, Uhuru, Kagame, commissioning a road, water project, or dam, which I guess is good for him for it keeps him out of trouble.

However, in his JD, is it stipulated that it must be him to open up every single school, factory, shopping mall, office block, hospital, road and dam or commission a road and water project? I mean, Barrack Obama and David Cameron don’t go opening up everything there is to open up do they?

Museveni is the head of state and bluntly speaking, he need not trouble himself with such mundane tasks. And I don’t think the electorate or Aggrey Kagonyera would have rued him if he (M7) recently hadn’t travelled to Karamoja to commission the MTN water project.

There are many people out there who are willing to stand in for him. If you think about it, not much intellect is required for the job for when you get to the site, two young girls pop out of nowhere with a bouquet of flowers which you receive and pass on. You then give the girls a hug, tour the site then, sit in a tent while everybody who thinks they are important rambles out a lengthy boring speech. Once they are done, you give your own speech then go cut the ribbon – if not, pull a small string the opens the small curtains to reveal a plaque that reads: “This building was opened on 16 November, 2014 by President YK Museveni” or in my case, “This building was opened by Timothy Bukumunhe…”  And that is it.

If only State House could subcontract out those jobs, I would be willing to stand in for M7. It would be my contribution to Uganda, my CSR. There are plenty of projects to be opened up that I am sure can be passed on to me and my dogs like Julius, Doc, Paulo, Nodin and Kayos while M7 chills with investors in State House. You get where I am coming from?