Pastor Mbonye Meeting Jesus is Like Saying Michael Jackson is Still Alive and Living in Ndeeba

Let me say it as it is from the onset and get it over and done with. The fetish of kissing shoes or feet is known as podophilia. 

I rarely watch television but by chance, I caught an interview with Elvis Mbonye who as you all know, has a job title of Prophet. Just to make sure we are all on the same page, Wikipedia defines prophet as: “An individual who has been contacted by a divine being in order to speak on the entity's behalf, serving as an intermediary with humanity by delivering messages or teachings from the supernatural source to other people.” And Jesus is the divine being Mboyne is supposedly in contact with. Hmm!

As the interview unravelled, Mbonye with not a trait of guilt in him shamelessly admitted how he had met Jesus. That he (Jesus) came to his bedroom and far from being anything like the pictures of him (Jesus) with a scraggily hair and unkempt beard that have circulated the globe for years, he is a young man who is handsome and beautiful.

However, Female Interviewer should have thrown the book at him – probing and digging further because there are a number of unanswered questions.

1.       How did he get to heaven – with KQ, Ethiopian, Emirates or first class with Heaven Airlines?

2.       Was he there by invite and how was the invitation communicated?

3.       What was Jesus wearing – Jeans, T-shirt and baseball cap or it was a strict all white dress code?

4.       Seeing he was in heaven, did he get the chance to seek out the Ugandan community who have died and might        have made it to heaven?

I have never met Pastor Mbonye and I doubt we will meet in the near future because I hear he tends to wander all over the land holding fellowships which, I do not have the time for and would rather be ensconced in one place like El Classico, with a bucket and in the company of Julio, Kayos, Doc and Paulo.

Apart from his ‘I met Jesus’ revelation, a few weeks ago Pastor dressed up to the nines in white – right down to his shoes which, was reminiscent of former Liberian warlord, Charles Taylor, Napoleon Bonaparte and former emperor of Central African Republic, Jean Bedel Bokassa and of course both God and Jesus, then sat in a lavish white chair with lashings of gold on the edges of the head and arm rests.

The dinner was not free and I have never known Pastor to do anything for free. They always take but never give back. Tickets to eat with him started at sh1m for platinum, sh750,000 for gold, sh500,000 for silver and sh300,000 for kayola. Considering he got a near full house, he must have been laughing in the back of the bullion van all the way to the bank.

Sacks of money aside, at some point during dinner and perhaps overcome by emotion or maybe a infusion of momentary lunacy, people felt compelled to get out of their seats, clamber up to his alter and spread themselves on the ground much like the subjects of Kings’ Oyo and Mutebi do when they (Oyo and Mutebi) are in the vicinity.

But then some decided that merely falling to the ground was not befitting of Mbonye in his eminence as Prophet. They had to give more to him and they did. So what did they give? Err, they kissed, they snogged his white shoes!

Why would educated people feel the needed to go start kissing some chaps shoes? Mafia Don’s underlings don’t kiss his shoes, nor does Minister kiss M7s or Catholics kiss Pope’s feet - though I do stand to be corrected on M7 and the Pope.

But as happens with all religious cults of sort, the end is always nigh – remember how Rev Jim Jones of Guyana ’78, his flock perished after they all drank poison? And David Koresh of Waco ’93, his followers were burnt alive while closer to home in Kanungu in 2000, Joseph Kibwetere and his ranks (Below) met their death in a grizzly mass suicide fire.  

Pictures: New Vision, Agencies