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| The Average Lift Carries Ten People With A Combined Weight Of 800kgs |
While most high-rise buildings in Kampala do have lifts, the people who ride in them, have the most bizarre habits.
Elevator Out Of Service
Hard to believe, but there are
people out there who believe ‘Elevator Out Of Service’ signs are some sort of ruse.
When they see the sign pinned to the door, they are mortified and stand about
looking all puzzled and trying to decipher what might be wrong with it. Even though
a barrier has been erected round the lift door, they will still squeeze past
and press the lift call button – for ‘just’ or ‘just to make sure’ it’s actually
under service.
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| Elevator Out Of Service Sign Does Not Deter |
That Man Who Thinks Your Idling
You are huddled with six other
people – all of you with eyes focused on the lift floor indicator and keenly
tracking its progress down to the ground floor when, Man Who Thinks Your Idling
walks into the building. He often appears aloof and full of himself, that he
wastes no time in pushing through the crowd to press the lift call button. You
see, this man thinks that all who are waiting for the lift have not thought
about pressing the lift call button – hence the reason it’s still ‘stuck’ up on
one of the higher floors.
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| There Is Always That Person Who Thinks Your Idling At The Lift Door |
The Person Who Gets In First
We all know them. As soon as the
lift doors open up, they rush in – hardly giving people who want to get out a
chance. Its almost like survival of the fittest. But wait up, The Person Who
Gets In First, always runs to book space at the back of the lift and stands
there looking all smug cramming to get in. But wait for this, wait for this.
Guess what floor that person is going to? Not to one of the top floors of the
building, but to the 1st floor, if not 2nd!! Can you
imagine the aggravation that the rest of the passengers have to go through -
having to get out of the lift so the smug The Person Who Gets In First can get
out?
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| The Person Who Gets In First Is Only Going To The First Floor |
The Beauty Queen
A lift with a mirror is a godsend
for Beauty Queen and she will do just about everything from exploding that zit
on her chin, applying makeup and readjusting her boobs. Some go that one step
further, especially men who press their faces right into the mirror, turn their
faces up so they can look deep into their nasal sewers to dig out that blob of
snot that’s been itching away in the taxi from home in Matugga. And when they
eventually get hold of it, the braves ones wipe it on to the mirror while the
timid, roll it into a ball and wipe it on the underside of the handrail.
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| In Every Lift, There Is That Woman Exploding Her Zits Into The Mirror |
I’m Not The Lift Attendant
It is generally perceived that
they who stand nearest to the floor buttons are supposed to be the lift drivers
or operators. Not me because I’m Not The Lift Attendant nor do I do any favours.
I won’t press any floor button – not even for 82-year-old granny who is in the
twilight of her life, can hardly see and walks with a deep stoop.
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| He Who Stands By The Lift Buttons, Becomes The Lift Attendant |
The Perv
There are two kinds of Lift
Pervs. The first kind always stands facing women with big busts and pressing
themselves deep into them while trying to gawping inside their blouses and
fighting hard not to slaver their malusu all over the place. The other type,
will grind their groin onto the butt that’s in front of them and they don’t
care about butt shape or size. Another thing, Perv doesn’t care all if the butt
his grinding is male or female.
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| In Every Lift, There Is A Perv |
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