Flossing - The Ugandan Way Of Life

That word, to floss - is ‘to show off something that appears new or of high value’. Uganda has been flossing since I guess, Uganda became Uganda. After 1986 and when corporate culture bloomed, flossing went to a new level especially with the arrival of MTN. And this is how it all unravelled.

Identity Cards

Back in the day, identity cards came in the form of a small pocket-sized book. You didn’t have to go to specialised shops to get one of them but, at any street corner especially by Radio One, you could get one. All you needed was a passport sized photograph which Chap would paste glue and stick it in the book. Thereafter, you took it to work to have it stamped with the company stamp. Then came laminated IDs which saw the book being fazed out. But it was not until MTN came to town with the digital format that it became fashionable to floss ID cards. We wore them round our necks and when we finished work and went out, we still wore them because we wanted everyone to know that we worked for a corporate company.

Mic Check One-Two

Chap of mic check one-two is the biggest flosser of all. He has the whole afternoon to belt his lungs out to test if the microphones and sound are okay but what does he do? He waits. He waits. He waits until we walk and take our seats then he starts – “mic check one-two. Julius Mbabazi in the house, mic check one-two” and all because of flossing on stage.

Cops With Shoulder Or Leg Holsters

People who had access to pistols simply used to tuck them into their belt strap until Neil Haworth and Leo Kirunda started swaging about town with shoulder and belt holsters. But the belt and shoulder holster flossing were muted because, the holsters were hidden under clothing. So, Neil, Leo and to a certain extent, Muhoozi Kainerugaba went a step further. They got themselves thigh holsters and with thigh holsters came a swag that whenever they walked about, other security forces who didn’t have them looked on in envy.

Riding The Promotional Truck

We all know the trucks that drive through our neighbourhoods and annoy with blaring music as they advertise some CD launch or an event that’s going to happen. At first, Guy With The Mic used to sit in the front of the truck with Driver until he discovered he could floss to the young women who worked in bars, salons and who sold roadside airtime. Then it became fashionable to be on the back where he could be seen and wearing a thick winter jacket and throwing out his spiel. His friends also started to marvel at him that they too, wanted to be on the back of the truck with him as it swept through the neighbourhood.

Laptop Bags But No Laptop

At the turn of the millennium, I used to think that every other Ugandan in Kampala owned a laptop because they all walked about town carrying laptop bags. Until I discovered every other Ugandan in Kampala who owned a laptop bag didn’t have a laptop in the bag, but sawa nya as in their snacks for their 10:00am tea break at work.

Aircon In The Ride

We never used air-conditioning perhaps because there was the thought that using aircon used up a lot of fuel. In fact, for a good number of years, the people who flossed with aircon were John Dumba and Dennis Paulo Kavuma who worked for MTN. Watching them saunter out of their rides on a sweltering afternoon looking all crisp and fresh with not a drop of sweat on them had us all who turned up in taxi’s looking on in envy.