It's Time To Declare War On The Scroungers!

The Oxford English Dictionary describes a scrounger as: “Someone who tries to get things especially money or food, by asking for them instead of buying or working for them.” That’s an apt definition for men, as in men scrounge while women slay. For the record, a slay is: “Naïve girls who do not date broke men. They don’t work yet, they are able to afford and their apartments are aptly furnished.”

Scrounger One

Timothy – and not me I might add, hangs out with Alan and Angie in the suburb of Kyaliwajjala – a name that sounds and reads more like a dreaded disease than an upcoming affluent suburb hence, people who live there say “Charlie” rather than “Kyaliwajjala”. Getting back, Timothy, Angie and Alan meet up at least once a month in one of the local bufunda’s, to catch up and do a spot of gossiping. And when they do, rather than going through the tedious task of summoning Waitress multiple times to take their beer orders, they simply buy a crate of Castle Lite and tuck it under their table. However, when other ‘friends’ join and see the crate, none of them bothers to ask. They simply reach over, dip their scrounging hands into the crate and help themselves. Some go even as far as swapping the bottles of Castle Lite which, they don’t drink for their preferred brand.

Scrounger Two

At a recent Buziga party, Host laid on a good spread – everything, right down from food, beers and more importantly, an array of spirits. Johnnie was there as was Ug Wa, Courvoisier and Vodka. Amongst the guests, were Four Scroungers. When it dawned on Four Scroungers that there was a run on Johnnie, one of them did the ‘needful’. He casually scrounged his way to the table and scrounged the entire bottle. Returning to where he was sitting, he put it under his seat. Johnnie was no longer for all Johnnie drinkers but for him and his Scroungers. And when Friend of Host eventually found the bottle and put it back on the table, ten minutes later and with no shame, Scrounger took himself back to the table, scrounged the bottle and this time, hid it behind some shrubbery.

Scrounger Three

At the same Buziga party and while it hadn’t even yet caught fire, when Floss Slay walked in with her Slays, within fifteen minutes she (Floss Slay) was at the barbecue. Nothing wrong with that I might add. But there is an Except. The except, is that while everybody else presented Barbecue Man with a disposable plate, Slay opted for more than a rip of tin foil and once served, she wrapped it all up walked straight out of the compound and deposited it in her ride. The norm in this case, is that one waits till the party is over and for Host to make the kalango that: “If anybody wants to pack some food, they are free to do so.”               

   

Scrounger Four

After a Munyonyo ‘beach party’, KK decided that the night was still young. Piling a bevy of Slays into his dudu, off they drove to Cayenne in Bukoto along with TB – one of his tights. At the Mukwano junction down the road from Namuwongo, they encountered a police breathalyzer road block and no sooner had Cop stopped the dudu, than Slays flung the door open and fled. Getting past the roadblock after some palm greasing, they caught up with Slays at Shell Jinja Road and KK stopped for them despite TB’s protests. Upon reaching Cayenne and after KK forking out close to 100k to get them in, they vanished into the crowd. In fact, the only time KK saw them throughout the night, was when they slayed up to him in needed of more drinks then vanishing off!