Did Your MP Bring His Kyalo Table Manners To Kampala When You Elected Him?

There is something about the Speaker of Parliament, the Right Honorable Rebecca Kadaga to shout out loud about. Not only is she the first female speaker this country has had, she is a Musoga at that - which, gives me bragging rights because I am a Musoga. While I do know Ms Kadaga, I wish I could have gotten to know her in my own right, as me – Timothy Bukumunhe. However, there is another Musoga who is more eminent that I am, and whose name has far more clout and it’s through him, that I met Ms Kadaga. PST Bukumunhe so they call him. But I can live with that – I think.

Parliament - Home To Uganda's Unruly And Uncouth MPs 

Ms Kadaga is a jolly woman when you meet her socially and despite the high profile job she holds, she seemingly has no airs or graces – unlike the Members of Parliament she presides over during the course of her duties. The thing about our Members of Parliament, is that they have this air of ‘entitlement’ simply because they have the MP title after their names. They strut about town in oversized and ill-fitting suits they bought clandestinely from Hawker in that dark restaurant – Maddona (just across the road from Parliament), if not, from Hawker who discreetly plies his trade between Amber House and Social Security House.

Our MPs don’t derive their bravado or bragging rights from debating in the chamber or giving interviews to reporters on the steps of Parliament after a session. Rather, it comes from public functions because they love the attention they get from wanainchi when introduced as they sit in the covered pavilion sipping on a cold Coke while, the rest us, swelter in the scorching heat drinking oven temperature mineral water. But, it’s when it’s time to eat that the real swagger of MP shines through. 

MPs Like Free Food And Especially Drinks Which They Hoard Under Their Seats 

The men adjust their suits and ties then pretend to be busy in deep discussion with Colleague when Usher turns up to guide them to the buffet table. They keep Usher waiting for at least ten minutes until one of them looks up at her ‘annoyingly’ and says: “Can you wait, because I’m having a discussion with my honorable friend on matters of national importance.” Let me hmm and even roll out a LOL!

At the buffet table, MP has traits similar to that of Villager – when they see the amount of food on offer, they feel Easter lunch, Idd lunch and Christmas lunch have been packaged into one. They want to eat everything so they serve themselves everything. In the process, they also hold up the que as they once again, pretend to discuss matters of ‘national importance’ as they try to deflect the attention of Server from their now overflowing plates of food.

When It Comes To Eating, Most MPs Have The Most Vile Table Etiquette. The Kyalo Eating Habits Will Never Leave Them 

 Once content that they’ve served themselves everything they walk back to their seats. What MP doesn’t know is that at the end of the function when the cleaners come to clean up, they always know where MP sat because there is a trail of gravy on the tiles from the buffet table to their seats.

At this point, many of you are probably thinking I’ve concocted this analysis, but I haven’t hence the need to bring in Ms Kadaga as back up.

With the Commonwealth Parliamentary Conference starting tomorrow – Monday 23^rd at Munyonyo Commonwealth Resort, she imparted some advice to her colleagues. “When you load your plates, don’t overload, don’t mix dessert and meat, pineapple and matooke and the soup. While eating, even when hungry, don’t rush.”

 

It All Fell Down To Rebecca Kadaga To Give Advice To MPs On How To Behave At Meal Times 

She cited an incident where one MP was choking that M7 told his then ADC, Lt Gen Wilson Mbadi to go slap him on the back and when he did, meat flew out and landed near visiting President Jakaya Kikwete.         

After Dishing On Byenda, Quaffing Club And Bell Beer, MPs Take To The Dance Floor Paka Chini Like These MPs

              

Despite Kadaga’s advice, watch Bukedde’s Agataliko Nfufu tomorrow to see if your MP embarrassed himself. 

Pictures: elgondaily.co.ug, independent.co.ug, ugandajournalistsresourcecentre.com