When The Wolf Stalks........

He hadn’t yet sauntered into Mbabazi’s, but you could hear him. Whoever he was talking to, must have been on the phone because I couldn’t hear any responses. He was hollering at the top of his voice in Luganda about how he had done this and that, and that the deal was successful. He was all full of grandeur – boisterous at that, but annoyingly, he wanted everyone to know who he was around and that he had just pulled a deal.

Disclaimer - This Is Not The Man In The Story

Popping his head round the door, I wasn’t expecting what I saw. He was a man who was just ‘there, there’ – in a faded polo T-shirt, green trousers (who wears green trousers?) and sandals. And as soon as he sat, he began barking: “Stella, bring me a beer, you know how I do my things.” For one reason or another, Stella was reluctant to serve him so he pulls out his phone and from where I was sitting watching him, it was a pretend phone call. After a wild conversation about how he’s already in Soya, he calls out to Stella saying that John is on his way and has bought him two beers. Again, Stella refuses to serve him.

On that, he dips into his pocket, pulls out three crumpled 1k notes and Stella serves him a warm Nile Special.

For all his boisterous self, Dude, so I later found out, was a petty house broker – dealing in houses that rent for no more than 80k a month and second hand taxis. His phone was a kabiriti that he had configured in such a way that whenever it rang, the torch would flash on and off. Talking of trying to stand out – hmm!

80k A Month Housing Units

I also found out that the Soya waitresses, the ba-fumba emeree brigade, the car mechanics know of him as a failed broker who likes to talk grand but in reality, there nothing grand about his talk except a web of lies.

In one of his conversations – to a woman, he talks of how he doesn’t like it when he calls and she takes her time to answer. Then he added: “I am here in Soya, you come and pick money.” Following on, it would appear the mystery woman didn’t have any money on her to come over because next, he was telling her how he didn’t believe in sending money via mobile money, because they are thieves.

Are Mobile Money Agents Thieves?

He did though, promise to pick her up because the car was parked at Haas petrol station just up the road. He finished off his beer as he tried to vybe Waitress then left. I watched him walk out towards Hass, except, he didn’t get as far as Hass but to the stage and boarded a taxi. So the ‘car’ was a taxi?

Stella says that since she started working in Soya, Dude hits on all new comers within hours of their arrival. She describes him as ‘not attractive, smooth and brash’ - so smooth that it’s impossible not to believe him. He always turns up in different cars. Sometimes he would change cars three to four times a day.

Where Was His Fleet Of Taxis?

There is the story of Waitress who was just off the bus from Bushenyi and worked for Charles who has the best chicken in Soya. Waitress was brown, tall, good looking but, daft and taking her to work in Soya, was simply throwing her out to the wolves and Dude didn’t waste time in pouncing.

His ‘fleet of taxis impressed her’ as did the number of ‘HIS’ houses he would visit in a day. So mesmerized she was by his spiel and how he claimed to be a low key man but loaded, she quit her job.

No need to tell you how the tale ends except, she got burnt and has resorted to loitering outside Capital Pub in revealing skirts.  

Pictures: qz.com, monitor.co.ug, newvision.co.ug, voanews.com