Timothy Bukumunhe : Are You Ready For The Christmas Silly Season?

The silly season is here meaning that in three days, it will be Christmas. The Silly Season it’s called, because everybody takes leave of their senses. This is how it plays out.

Promotional Trucks Selling Christmas Themed Songs

The noise pollution trucks that make it a habit of stopping outside my kafunda while blaring Luganda Christmas carols at very high decibels are very annoying because you can hardly hear yourself think or talk. The back of the truck is laden with concert sized speakers and an about to break down generator that advocates of climate change would have a problem with because of the plumes of smoke that it emits. There is also the main MC who does the kalango’s and how always wears a thick winter jacket and who is flanked by his ‘nigga’s’ bopping their heads trying to look all hard. Then there are the foot soldiers whose job it is to invade every kafunda in a bid to sell a CD or two. But in today’s Uganda, who still buys CDs? Everybody I know, stores their music on a flash disc.

No Place To Walk On The Pavements

The pavements have been taken over by Hawker. The usual hawkers selling mangoes, saucepans, rat poison and so forth, are being displaced by Hawker selling something with a Christmas theme if not, a shirt, blouse or dress that sparkles enough that someone is tempted to buy it to wear on Christmas day.

The Downton Thieves at the Bus Parks

The silly season represents end of year bonus season for all petty criminals who hang downtown and especially by the taxi parks and bus terminals. They know that at Christmas, nobody travels upcountry without cash. They pounce on the poor unfortunate soul so has decided to do a spot of last minute shopping like buying a shiny new basin for the people in kyalo. They watch for the slightest lapse in concentration as the hapless victim pull out the wad of their December earnings then pounce and in flash, they’ve disappeared to look for the next victim.

Where Is My Christmas?

Then there are the ‘Where Is My Christmas’ peeps. Waitress who normally serves you, Office Messenger you send out on official business, or Gateman at your office who you’ve been sharing a polite greeting whenever you drive into the carpark, will be loitering by your ride when it’s time for you to head home. Why would he be waiting by your car? Has something happened to it that he wants to tell you about? Nope. He wants his Christmas. To get round it, as soon as you are on him, beat him at his own game. Ask him for your Christmas before he gets a chance to ask for his.

Gifting Kyalo Peeps

Kyalo peeps, apart from wanting to come and eat Christmas lunch with you and waiting for that chance to drink Black Label or Jameson’s instead of the usual cheap waragi from a kaveera will wanted to be gifted. They know that the chances of getting cash from you is bleak so the book items of clothing that they see you wearing. “Eh uncle TB, that shoe you are wearing, you will leave it for me when you go back” so they say.

Vitz Drivers Will Have A Blast

The best part about The Silly Season, is that Kampala will be calm and peaceful. All those pompous ‘VIPs’ who think they are entitled to break traffic regulations including that judge on the Land Commission Probe who has a habit of getting her bodyguards to seal off the road at Standard Chartered Bank, Nile Avenue when she uses the ATM, will be out of town. All the sirens and all the monster 4x4 rides will be in Mbarara, Nthungamo, Bushenyi and beyond. It’s good news for Vitz drivers who will be able to drive without being intimidated or being forced off the road.