Kinckers With The Zip In Them

A couple of weeks ago I attended New Vision’s Wedding Expo at UMA Exhibition Centre. Quite why I was there, I don’t know because I am already married to the lovely Patricia.

But I think I took myself there because Susan Nsibirwa, their head of marketing had posted on Facebook that it was the place to be that weekend and also I thought I would show some support to Keturah Kamugasa, Editor of Flair who, is a good friend.

They got the numbers and as you can guess, they were mostly women. And these women did not come alone. Behind them they dragged sullen men – their boyfriends and fiancées like they drag cattle to the slaughter at Kampala Meat Packers.

The men were disgruntled about having to look at wedding dresses or being told that they would look good in this or that suit. I bumped into a young man and his woman and had a brief conversation with him.

TB: “Things look tight for you?”

Young Man: “I don’t know what is wrong with these New Vision people. They have just dug my grave!” TB: “What do you mean?”

Young Man: “Since Expo started, all she has been talking about is getting married, yet I don’t want to marry her and I need to lay more girls before I get married.”

TB: “Fancy a beer?”

Young Man: “Would love to TB, but I am afraid I am handcuffed to her for the rest of the Expo.”

The poor bleeding sod. He was dragged about the Expo, given flyers, told to write down quotes for cakes and I suspect he was also given the date for their wedding.

As I walked round the stalls, I came across the lingerie stall. Hmm, very interesting! They had a pair of skimpy red knickers that had a zip running down the middle. I was intrigued so I asked the young lady to explain how they work.

TB: “What is it with the zip down the front?”

Young Lady: “The young girls love them because it gives them freedom.”

TB: “Freedom to do what?” Young Lady: “They may be caught up in having to go to the loo and rather than take off the knickers to have a pee as they currently do, all they do is pull the zip down, squat and do their stuff.”

TB: “Really?”

Young Lady: (now pulling me closer to her) “But between you and I, I think they use them more for sex in the car because they don’t have to take them right off. Simply lift up your skirt, pull the zip down and he has got access to ‘IT’.”

I hadn’t thought about that so I hung about to see if anybody bought them. And sure enough, an hour later, a petite girl paid 40k for them. Her face is so imprinted in my brain that whenever I saw her I didn’t think of her as Petite Girl, but Girl Who Has Sex In The Car!

There was also a fashion show and Nsibirwa called me to join her on the front row. I’d never sat on the front row at a fashion show but this time I was so close to the action, I could see the driblets of sweat running down the models thighs especially during the lingerie show.

I knew models do sweat during fashion shows but I had always thought it was under their armpits. But down their thighs? I excused myself and went to the nearest bar to contemplate if I would ever attend another fashion show.