Thursday, December 24, 2015

Nursing The New Year's Day Hangover

Just about everybody I asked about this month – December, and what it means to them, they all had a sob story involving that man with a beard and who wore a white robe – Jesus. No offence to him – Jesus that is, but, there is much more to December than him.

In the real world, December is about three things – bonuses in the form of dime, feasting or as Laban Musoke, who sells alcohol for a living says: “pushing volumes of crates of beer.”

Laban and Kafunda Owner have, for the past 27 days not been thinking about Jesus, but about the tills and the money going into them. As you read, people are in church doing the needful Sunday prayer thing – so is Kafunda Owner but hoping that after church, you will see it fit to pass by and have more than a couple of beers – well at least enough to leave him a tidy profit.

With most people off work until the start of 2016, there is little to do but, to find a kafunda, ‘catch’ and talk politics till Riot Police deploy and unleash kibooko.

But there is an issue - that hangover and what to do with it. I have done everything from popping ibuprofen, crying, ‘dishing’ a whole tilapia fish to taking in a steam bath, but still, I ‘paid’. Seeking out Hangover Expert, she told me to try the following. I did, but alas...

Monday - Bananas: I’m not keen on fruit, but still ate because they supposedly have something called potassium. At school I was no good at chemistry, so am afraid I can’t tell you what potassium is and why it’s good for hangovers. I ate three before going to bed as was recommended because ‘it starts working faster’. The following morning, guess what? I had a hangover. So I went in for plan B – eating three more with honey. Hmm, just to give me a dose of flatulence.       

Tuesday - Orange Juice: She told it would raise my blood glucose level and that would offset the symptoms of the hangover. Orange juice has a tendency of playing play tricks on my stomach and it did. I got dios.

Wednesday - Water: I am really not a fan of water because it has no taste. However, it’s supposed to rehydrate us but hmm, all it did for me? - to bloat my stomach and give me a stitch.

Thursday – Fry up: This should have done the trick except, it didn’t. I think it had something to do with the smell of the fried eggs and burnt oil. I threw up. Hangover still there.

Friday – Milk: I like milk when it’s mixed with coffee or in a strawberry flavoured shake. It messed up my stomach and three hours later I was in the toilet – more dios and still paying.

Saturday – Kilo of pork, five very baridi TMLs: I should have waited for the pork before popping open the TMLs, but what the heck. Got tipsy and the hangover went.

Sunday – Kigere and Club-u: Despite telling Waitress that it’s pronounced Club, she’s set in her ways and to her, its Club-u. The kigere was piping hot, so hot that it gave my mouth and lips third degree burns. 45 minutes later, the hangover was gone and the Club-u’s flowed endlessly.
Water, Coke, milk, ibuprofen, salt and vinegar flavoured crisps and the rest don’t work. They are just a ruse to get us to buy stuff we don’t need. 

By-the-way, this Friday, is New Years Day and if anybody wants to nurse their hangover with me, I suggest we hog on pork and do beers at Chogm Pork in Bunga at 11:30am. What say you?  

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