The Slay Queen Gold Digger

Faridah Nakazibwe, is a Luganda newscaster on NTV. I meet up with her most nights at 7:00pm – not physically I might add, but when see her on TV reading news. While my Luganda is at best termed ‘very suspect’, Ms Nakazibwe’s on the other hand, flows – probably because she is a Muganda. Duh!

Anyway, the reason why Ms Nakazibwe graces my column is a couple of weeks ago, she posted words of wisdom on her Facebook page along the lines of:

“If you want to progress financially, you need to avoid this type of woman: “Bae, I’m hungry, get me something to eat” or “buy me phone credit.” Instead, find you a: “Did you eat, you want me to cook for you?” type of female. How fast you progress financially as a man depends on the type of woman who is by your side. A good woman is an INVESTMENT. A bad woman is a BILL.” 

Ms. Nakazibwe Makes A Very Valid Point

Let’s pause a tad and usher in Slay Queen who Ruth Akatuluvu, one of my tights and the Urban Dictionary describe as: “Young and naive girls who apparently do not date broke men. They spend hours on Snapchat and Instagram showing off things they don't even own.”

Now Kampala is full of slay queens and if Slay Queen by chance read Ms Nakazibwe’s post, she would most likely have had to read it a few times to get the gist, or take it to Friend’s Sister who is in P.4 at Greenhill Academy and ask her to put it into less complicated English for her. And once she grasped where Ms Nakazibwe was coming from, she would have, without a doubt have hurled insults at her.

Point Noted

The thing about Slay Queen in Kampala, is that they don’t think big. They think very simple, because very simple things amuse very simple minds.  For example, they would have been so pleased with themselves if they had managed to fleece some man into buying them tickets to go and see Wiz Kid at Kyadondo and Timaya in Jinja a couple of weeks ago. If not, merely being seen at Silk Liquid and at one of the unplugged shows in the company of a man who is quenching her thirst with a tot pack V&A works for her too.

A Typical Slay Stance?

On the other hand, UK Slay Queen is not impressed by simple things and wants things on a grand scale like Kim Waggott. Kim was married to multi-millionaire accountant, William Waggot, for 21-years. Alas the marriage went ‘south’ and in 2012 they divorced. In court, Judge told William for pay her a staggering £9 million (sh43bn) as divorce settlement. £9 million is a hefty sum of money that allowed her to buy a £2 million house and a holiday home in Spain. On top of that, she gets £175,000 (sh850m)-a-year for ‘personal maintenance’ for life. She ought to be content - no? No she isn’t, because in typical shameless slay queen gluttony, she wants more.

Do you know what she did? She dragged herself to court and told Judge that despite having £9 million in the vault and getting a yearly stipend of £175,000 (sh110m), she NEEDS an extra £23,000 a year to make ends meet! And if you think that’s where it ends you had better think again. She also wants a percentage of his future earnings!

Like Losing Her Virginity, Slay Queen Views Selfies As A Career Move

After reading the story, I duly took myself to NSSF headquarters and tried to hurl myself off the roof except, the access door to the roof was locked. Plan B of jumping out into the path of a speeding taxi on Kampala Road didn’t work either because it abruptly turned into a side road. Let me hope that Plan C - of looking for a machete and slitting my throat works!   

Pictures: Faridah Nakazibwe, Nandi Cakes, Agencies